¡Compadre, en mi casa mando yo, y cuando digo: tengo hambre, me sirven de comer y cuando digo tráiganme el agua caliente, me la traen de inmediato!
Y para que quiere agua caliente?
¡No me diga que usted lava los platos con agua frÃa!
25
Dec
25
Dec
There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman.The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
25
Dec
Ralphs Observation: It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realise that you are in a hurry. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.
25
Dec
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that youre certain youre finished with, you will need it instantly.
25
Dec
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, I dont feel like it, I just want you to hold me.
The husband says, WHAT??
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She cant decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond ear rings.
The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out — but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says but you dont even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.
The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register.
The husband says, No, no, no, honey were not going to buy all this stuff. The wifes face goes blank. No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the Husband says, You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!!
Thanx to John Hilbe.
25
Dec
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
24
Dec
Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
24
Dec
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
24
Dec
Cuatro amigos de la universidad se fueron a parrandear fuera de la ciudad el fin de semana antes de los exámenes finales. Después de tanta fiesta, durmieron todo el domingo y regresaron a la ciudad el lunes por la mañana. No entraron al examen final y en cambio por la tarde buscaron al profesor y le explicaron su ausencia:
Lo que pasó es que nos fuimos de viaje el fin de semana y planeábamos estar de regreso el domingo para estudiar. Pero, desafortunadamente, se nos pinchó una llanta cuando venÃamos de regreso. Como no tenÃamos herramientas y nadie nos quiso ayudar, perdimos el examen.
El profesor lo pensó y acordó hacerles el examen final al dÃa siguiente. Felices, los cuatro amigos estudiaron toda la noche y llegaron al dÃa siguiente a hacer el examen. El profesor los puso en salones separados y les repartió a cada uno el cuestionario.
El primer problema valÃa 5 puntos y era muy fácil, sobre la historia del mercadeo.
Los cuatro amigos respondieron rápidamente, cada uno en su salón separado, pensando Esto va a estar muy fácil.
Cuando terminaron el problema, voltearon la página para leer el segundo problema, que decÃa:
Por 95 puntos, ¿cuál llanta fue la que se les pinchó?
24
Dec
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he cant drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo.
The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo.
The man replies I did. Today Im taking them to the movies.