Old and New Jokes

Bill Clinton is sitting next to a White House intern one day at a
gathering. The President says to her, Would you like to come to the Oval
office and see my clock?

She says, No, Mr. President, I dont think so.

The President replies, Please. Id really like to show it to you.

No, Mr. President, I really cant.

Come on. Come and see my clock. Itll only take a minute.

All right. If it wont take long.

They go to the Oval Office. The President sits down, unzips his
pants, and pulls out his dick.

The intern says, Thats not a clock, its a cock.

To which the President says, If you put two hands and a face on it, its a
clock sweetheart.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses… and sooner or later,
youll inhale a bee.

Ok, These two blondes went skydiving. The first jumped and opened her parachute. Then the second one jumped and hers wouldnt open, so she flew by the other blonde and then she said, Oh, so now you wanna race? So then she took her parachute off…

About three inches.

Theres this white guy in a pub toilet squeezing a kidney and hes standing next to a black guy. He cant help but glance sideways to see if the myth is true.

Bloody hell!, he exclaims. Oh sorry, he continues, but how the hell did you get one that long?

The black guy explains: Well, as a young man I used to hang a brick off the end on a piece of string for about half an hour a day to stretch it.

So, the white guy takes the advice and off he goes merrily.

Some time later, the black guy is in the same pub and spots the white guy at the bar. So, he goes to over to see him.

Hows things coming on then?, he asks

Oh great; I think Im half way there comes the reply – its gone black!

What was the pirate movie rated?

ARRRRRRR

A Jesús le pasaban informes semanales y veía con tristeza que casi todo el mundo consumía drogas, así que decide mandar a sus doce apóstoles para que investiguen con más detalle y le lleven muestras de las drogas que se consumen en la Tierra.

Llega primero Pedro y le trae marihuana, lo prueban y listo; luego llega Juan, que traía PBC, y probaron.

Ya habían llegado todos los apóstoles menos uno, cuando de pronto tocan la puerta, y Jesús dice: ¿Quién es?

Y Judas, el apostol que faltaba, dice: Abran la puerta carajo, todos se van al F.B.I.

You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.

Their are three rings that make up a marriage:

engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering

Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes?

A: Because theyre simple, easy and they taste good.