Old and New Jokes

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. I noticed their Disney password was written:MickeyMinnieGoofyPlutoI had to ask why it was so long.Because, my son explained, they say it has to have at least four characters.

Un día llega Pepito y le pregunta a su mamá:

Oye, mamá, ¿qué es pene?

¿¡Qué!? ¡Eres un grosero, un hijo de la &@#%! ¿Dónde oíste eso?

Es que yo iba pasando por la iglesia y oí que el cura le dijo a una señora que rezara dos avemarías para que el alma no pene.

– ESTAS EN UNA FIESTA Y VES UN TIPO MUY ATRACTIVO, TE ACERCAS A EL Y LE

DICES: soy muy buena en la cama

ESO ES MARKETING DIRECTO.

– ESTAS EN UNA FIESTA CON UN GRUPO DE AMIGAS Y VEIS A UN TIPO MUY ATRACTIVO.

UNA DE TUS AMIGAS SE LE ACERCA Y LE DICE: Esa tía de ahí es muy buena en la cama

ESO ES PUBLICIDAD.

– ESTAS EN UNA FIESTA Y VES UN TIPO MUY ATRACTIVO. LE PIDES SU NÚMERO DE

MÓVIL. AL DÍA SIGUIENTE LE LLAMAS Y LE DICES: Soy muy buena en la cama

ESO ES TELEMARKETING.

– ESTAS EN UNA FIESTA Y VES UN TIPO MUY ATRACTIVO QUE CONOCES, TE ACERCAS A EL, LE REFRESCAS LA MEMORIA Y LE DICES: Te acuerdas lo buena que soy en la cama

ESO ES CUSTOMER RELATIPONSHIP MANAGEMENT.

– ESTAS EN UNA FIESTA Y VES UN TIPO MUY ATRACTIVO. TE LEVANTAS, TE ARREGLAS LA ROPA, TE ACERCAS A EL, LE SIRVES UNA COPA, LE OFRECES UN CIGARRILLO, ADMIRAS SU TRAJE, LE DICES LO BIEN QUE HUELE Y LE DICES: Soy muy buena en la cama

ESO SON RELACIONES PÚBLICAS.

– ESTAS EN UNA FIESTA, VES UN TIPO MUY ATRACTIVO, TE ACERCAS A EL Y LE DICES: Soy muy buena en la cama, Y ADEMÁS LE ENSEÑAS UNA TETA.

ESO ES MERCHANDISING.

– ESTAS EN UNA FIESTA Y VES UN TIPO MUY ATRACTIVO. EL SE ACERCA A TI Y TE DICE: He oido que eres muy buena en la cama

ESO ES BRANDING,EL PODER DE LA MARCA.

– ESTAS EN UNA FIESTA. UN TIPO MUY ATRACTIVO QUE SE ACERCA A TI Y TE DICE: Soy muy bueno en la cama y aguanto toda la noche sin parar

¡CUIDADO!

ESO ES PUBLICIDAD ENGAÑOSA

Three men were hiking through the jungle. All of a sudden a tribe of natives surrounded them, kidnapped them and hauled them to their village. Bound, they were brought before the chief, and the entire village. The chief stood up and said: you each have the choice death or bonja bonja, if you choose bonja, bonja you will live.

Man number one thought to himself well I dont want to die, I just got married. So he chose bonja, bonja. The chief smiled. The entire male half of the tribe ran up and bum rushed him. Man number one, although barely able to walk, surrvived.



Man number two, although horrified, thought to himself I cant die, I just won the lottery and have every opportunity in the world, and look man number one survived. So boldly he declared I choose bonja, bonja!. Once again all the males ran up behind him and had their way. In tears man number two hobbled away, in pain but alive.



It is now man number threes turn, he is puking in complete disgust and thinking to himself no WAY, not me. Anything but that, even death would be better than that!



He turns looks the cheif straight in the eye and says I choose death!



The chief chuckles to himself and says



Alright DEATH………..BY BONJA, BONJA!

If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish he will drink beer, tell lies and wear a stupid hat.

7. If your glass set is composed of McDonalds Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie.Olympic Dream Team I or II).

Why is it that when youre driving and looking for an address, you turn down
the volume on the radio?

It seems this fairly successful businessman in his early 30s was
getting lonely for some companionship. He was comfortably well off, lived in
a nice apartment, had refined tastes, but somehow or other he could never find
the perfect companion. Finally, he had an inspiration.

So our friend strolls into a pet shop and explains his problem to the
sympathetic clerk. The clerk thinks for a moment, then says, I have the
perfect pet for you, sir, disappears into the back of the shop, and emerges
with
a small cardboard box. The gentleman opens the box, but, instead of finding a
dog or a cat, discovers a frog.

A frog? he asks disbelievingly.

Ah, says the salesman, but not just any frog. I really think youll
be surprised with this pet. May I suggest you take it home for a trial. If it
does not meet with your satisfaction, feel free to bring it back within a week
for a full refund.

Well, what can he lose, right? He pays the clerk, takes the box under
his arm, and heads home. When he arrives, he sets the box in a corner, takes
the lid off so the frog can breathe, and looks at it for a moment. Nothing
special. So he steps to the bar and mixes himself a martini. Just as he brings
it to his lips, he is startled to hear a voice say,

Excuse me.

He looks around. Theres no one there. He locked the door. He is five
floors up, so there couldnt possibly be anyone outside the windows. He checks
anyway, but there is no one there. Confused, he ponders for a moment, then
shrugs and lifts the drink again. And again,

Pardon me.

The man glances at the box. The voice seemed to be coming…from the
frog?

Yes, over here.

Perplexed, he steps to the box. The frog looks up at him.

I couldnt help noticing that you made yourself an excellent martini,
there.

The man is confused. You…you talk?

The frog chuckles. Oh, of course I talk. But that martini…well, I
just happen to be a very particular martini drinker, and you mixed that one
exactly the way I like mine, not too dry, not too–

The man recovers his poise. Would you care for one?

The frog hops gratefully out of its box. Why, thank you. Most people
are uncomfortable around frogs, I know, but I can see this is going to be
different.

Well, the two get to talking, and they hit it off marvelously right
away. The frog has the same taste in classical music that the man does, they
both appreciate impressionist paintings, and both of them like to watch weekend
tennis matches. When it comes time for dinner, the man carries the frog
into the kitchen, and it offers suggestions on how to season his game hen,
selects the perfect wine to accompany, and keeps up a steady flow of humourous
conversation throughout the evening. The young man is delighted. The frog
is, indeed, everything the pet store clerk had promised.

Presently the man began to feel tired, so he set the frog gently in
its box and brought it into the bedroom. As he prepared to turn the lights
out the frog discreetly clears its throat.

I wonder… it begins tentatively, I wonder if you would mind
very much…

What is it? the man asks.

Well, the frog says, I feel so close to you…I mean, we share so
many interests, weve eaten and drunk together…I just somehow wouldnt feel
right sleeping in a box. Could you…do you think I might possibly just sleep
on the pillow next to you?

Well, the young man sees nothing wrong with this request, so he lifts
the frog out of its box and sets it on the pillow. He bids it good night,
turns out the lights, and gets into bed. He is just dozing off when he hears
another discreet cough.

Excuse me, the frog whispers. I really hate to ask this, and dont
think I mean anything by it, but… It pauses.

The man sighs. What do you want?

The frog shifts about uncomfortably. Well, its just that Ive grown
accustomed to…that is…you see, Ive always been kissed good night, before.

The man shakes his head. No. Im sorry, but no matter how unique you
are, youre still a frog.

The frog interrupts. No, no, nothing like that. Just a quick little
peck on the forehead. Really. It would mean so much to me…

Well, it sounds so plaintive, and the frog really is such a wonderful
addition to his life, that he decides that this one thing cant possibly hurt
that much. So he screws up his courage (and his eyes), leans over, and kisses
the frog…

<<< POOF!! >>

When the smoke clears, the young man is lying in bed beside a stunningly
beautiful blonde, no more than sixteen years old, stark naked, smiling
blissfully up at him.

And that, your Honor, is how my client came to be…

shefter-bret@yale.ARPA