Old and New Jokes

Goebels Law Of Useless Difficulty: Just because its hard, doesnt mean its worth the effort.

A construction worker walks into a bar. Hes a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots! A sudden silence descends.

After a moment he asks Anyone got a problem with that? The silence lengthens.

He then chugs back another beer and growls, And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum! Once again, the bar is silent.

He looks around belligerently and roars, Anyone got a problem with that? A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man.

You got a problem, buddy?

Oh no; Im just on the wrong side of the bar.

After much research and millions of dollars, our scientists have

discovered the secret ingredients to Viagra!

VIAGRA INGREDIENT LIST: (TopSecret!) 3% Vitamin E 2% aspirin 2%

ibuprofen 1% Vitamin C

…and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . …92% Fix-A-Flat!

It says: Press Any Key

It means: Press any key you like but Im not moving.



It says: Press A Key

(This ones a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the A key.)



It says: Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E

It means: … where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that its a hardware problem.



It says: Installing program to C:….

It means: … And Ill also be writing a few files into c:windows

and c:windowssystem where youll NEVER find them.



It says: Please insert disk 11

It means: Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks.



It says: Not enough memory

It means: I dont CARE if youve got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the

bit below 640K.



It says: Cannot read from drive D:….

It means: … However, if you put the CD in right side up…



It says: Please Wait….

It means: … Indefinitely.



It says: Directory does not exist….

It means: …. any more. Whoops.



It says: The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close.

It means: ….Makes no difference to me, youre still not getting your work back.

How are a husband and a cat similar when it comes to housework?

Theyre both afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
“What are those knives doing in your car? Asked the officer.
“I use them in my juggling act,” says the juggler.
“Oh yeah?” “Let’s see you do it.” Says the policeman.
So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.A guy driving by sees this and says, “Wow, am I glad I stopped drinking. Look at the test they’re making you do now!”

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels.

The crews foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation.

The supervisor radios back and says, Dont worry, well send some shovels … just lean on each other until they arrive.

Watching her mother as she tried on her new mink coat, the daughter protested, Mom, do you realize some poor, dumb beast suffered so you could have that coat?

Her mother glared back at her and said, Dont talk about your father that way!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Dino!
Dino who?
Dino the answer!

Q: How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I dont know. I forgot my calculator at home.