Old and New Jokes

There was this blonde and her blond friend in her car.
The blonde driving looks at her friend and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, Yes. No. Yes. No.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

Im fed up with your jealousy, the furious wife told her husband.

Do you think I dont realize youre having me followed by a detective whos tall, blond, has green eyes and is very nice, although a little shy at first?

You might be a redneck if…
You use the term over yonder more than once a month.

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boys position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the childs shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the childs level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, And now what, my little man?

To which the boy replies, Now we run!

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.

Could you pass me the sugar, sugar? said the first gal.

Could you pass me the honey, honey? said the second.

Could you pass me the bacon, pig? said the third.

Cierto día, Superman llega a Cuba pera hablar con Fidel respecto a la situación política del país y su manejo tan desenfrenado con la gente. Después de tres horas y un buen almuerzo con el Comandante Castro, Superman se despide y decide dar una vuelta por la playa.

Luego de tomar el sol y disfruta un par de mojitos, Superman trata de levantar vuelo y se da cuenta que le es imposible salir volando, como si estuviera rodeado de kriptonita. Intenta de nuevo y nada…

Al segundo intento, el superhéroe escucha un murmullo que va en aumento. Cuando vuelve el rostro, 500 mil cubanos están agarrados a su capa gritando:

¡DALE, SUPERMAN, QUE TÚ PUEDES!

What does a horny frog say?

Rub it

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.



The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative:



He would inscribe, Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.

That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: Thats Strange!