A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster – one that would service all of his many hens.
When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!
So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. Henry, he said, Im counting on you to do your stuff. And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.
Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didnt stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same.
The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, Stop, Henry, youll kill yourself. But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry.
The farmer walked up to Henry saying, Oh you poor thing, look what you did, youve gone and killed yourself. I warned you big buddy.
Shhhhh, Henry whispered, The buzzard is getting closer.
Q: What do you call a girl that masturbates with a pickle?
A: A sour-puss
Ive learned that the people you care most about in life are
taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just
never go away.
The agent for a beautiful actress discovered one day that she had been selling her body at a hundred dollars a night. The agent, who had long lusted for her, hadnt dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much he wanted to make it with her.
She agreed to spend the night with him, but said he would have to pay her the same hundred dollars that the other customers did. He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, Dont I even get my agents ten percent as a deduction?
No siree, she said. If you want it, youre going to have to pay full price for it, just like the other Johns.
The agent didnt like that at all, but he agreed.
That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local night club. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the lights.
At 1 A.M., she was awakened again. Again she was vigorously done. In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was made love to again. The actress was impressed with her lovers vitality.
My goodness, she whispered in the dark, you are so virile. I never realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent.
Im not your agent, lady, a strange voice answered. Hes at the door selling tickets.
An aging man living alone in South Armagh, whose only son was in Long Kesh Prison, didnt have anyone to dig his garden for his potatoes. So he wrote to his son about it.
He received the reply: For HEAVENS SAKE, Dont dig the garden up, thats where I buried the Guns!!!
At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers turned up and dug the garden, but didnt find any guns.
Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what had happened, asking him what to do now?
The reply: NOW, just put the potatoes in.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ginny!
Ginny who!
Ginny a kiss!
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?â€
Two old men were sitting on a porch with a hound dog between them. The dog had its leg hiked up and was licking itself. One of the old men said to the other, I sure do wish I could do that.
The other old man said, You better not, that dog will bite you.
What is 3 inches wide, 8 inches long, and hangs in front of an asshole?
Bill Clintons tie
There are 3 ladies on a flight. Suddenly the pilot informed them that there was a technical problem and the plane was going to crash into the sea.
A chinese lady quickly took her cosmetics set out and started to doll herself up.
A Malay lady beside her questioned her on her actions. The chinese lady replied that if she lookod beautiful, the guys coming to rescue survivors would usually save the pretty ladies first,On hearing this, the Malay lady started to put on all her jewellery.
An Indian woman sitting beside the Malay lady was curious and questioned her.
The Malay lady said that the rescuers would save her because she would easily be identified by the glitter of her jewels.
Then the Indian woman started taking her clothes off.
Both the Chinese and Malay ladies were shocked and questioned her.The Indian woman then replied that rescue teams do not usually look for survivors. They usually look for the Black Box first.