The men who do make it to Heaven are going to have a rude awakening up there when they find out two things:
God is a woman…and she nailed down all of Heavens toilet seats!
14
Nov
14
Nov
Wanna ride bikes?
13
Nov
Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice.
Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.
Ballet: For Women Only.
13
Nov
Se inicia un feroz incendio en una planta quÃmica. El dueño es sacado de la cama en medio de la noche y concurre desesperado, ya que sus fórmulas secretas están en la caja fuerte de su oficina.
El incendio es violento; varias cuadrillas de bomberos se encuentran luchando contra las llamas y otras más vienen en camino. El propietario se dirige al Jefe de Bomberos:
Mis fórmulas están en la caja fuerte, no me importa la fábrica, pero necesito esas fórmulas. Cien mil dólares para la brigada que las rescate.
La oferta incentiva a los bomberos quienes redoblan sus esfuerzos. Pese a ello, ninguno logra penetrar la furia de las llamas. Viendo que el fuego amenaza con destruir todo, el propietario redobla su oferta gritando:
Jefe, 200 mil dólares para la brigada que rescate las fórmulas.
Nadie consigue quebrar la barrera infernal. De repente, una cuadrilla de bomberos voluntarios jubilados se acerca al incendio en su vieja autobomba; sin detenerse en ningún momento, lanzan la misma contra las llamas derribando paredes y penetrando en el corazón mismo del fuego.
Desde lejos, el resto de los bomberos ve a estos ancianos que luchan salvajemente, toman la caja y consiguen a duras penas abandonar las llamas, chamuscados y tosiendo. El propietario, feliz, se acerca al conductor diciendo:
¡Gracias, muchas gracias! Ha salvado mi vida y ha ganado la recompensa de 200 mil dólares.
Finalizado el desastre, el dueño se acerca a los ancianos:
Mañana les entregaré el dinero que tan valientemente se han ganado, pero tengo una duda: ¿qué harán con el mismo?
El chofer responde:
Lo primero será arreglar los pinches frenos de la autobomba.
13
Nov
Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but the bulb has got to really want to change.
Q. How many software people does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, thats a hardware problem.
Q. How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it may take upwards of five to get it done.
Q. How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, real men arent afraid of the dark.
Q. How many real women does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, a real woman would have plenty of real men around to do it.
Q. How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, because people who glow in the dark dont need light bulbs.
Q. How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. How many can you afford.
Q. How many IBM Tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, providing theres an engineer around to explain how to do it.
13
Nov
Two Nuts Where Walking Down The Street. One Was A Salted!
13
Nov
A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughters birthday and he hadnt bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager How much is that new Barbie in the window?
The Manager replied, Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for Rs19.95.. Barbie goes to the Ball for Rs19.95 … Barbie goes shopping for Rs19.95 …Barbie goes to the beach for Rs19.95 …Barbie goes to the Nightclub for Rs19.95.. and Divorced Barbie for Rs375.00.
Why is the Divorced Barbie Rs 375.00, when all the others are Rs19.95? Dad asked surprised.
Divorced Barbie comes with Kens car, Kens House, Kens boat, Kens dog, Kens cat and Kens furniture.
12
Nov
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Okra!
Okra who?
Okra Winfrey!
12
Nov
Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants.
1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
2. Lavatory paper rolls: Do they grow on the holders? Roundtable discussion.
3. Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and graphics.
4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: Can they levitate and fly into kitchen sink? Examples on video.
5. Loss of identity: Losing the remote to your significant other. Help line and support groups.
6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.
7. Health watch: Bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audio tape.
8. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
10. Learning to live: Basic differences between mother and wife. Online class and role playing.
11. How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
12. How to fight cerebral atrophy: Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when youre going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
12
Nov
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had
acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their
names were…
The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, Whoever heard of someone naming
dogs like that?
HELLOOOOOO, answered the blond. Theyre
watch dogs!