A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning. The wife said, You should do it, because you get up first, and then we dont have to wait as long to get our coffee.The husband said, You are in charge of cooking around here, and you should do it, because that is your job. I can just wait for my coffee.Wife replies, No, you should do it! Its even in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.Her husband replies, I cant believe that, show me.So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……….HEBREWS
22
Jun
22
Jun
One day this factory foreman hired 3 guys – a Polish fellow named Stosh, a black guy named Calvin and a Chinese man named Ling.
When it came to handing out work assignments, he said Stosh, you take care of that machine over there. Make sure it has proper materials going it at all times and inspect each finished piece coming out.
Handing Calvin a broom, he said Calvin, make sure this place is clean at all times. Sweep up anything that falls on the floor.
So Ling asked what HE was supposed to do and the foreman said Youre in charge of supplies and went back to his office.
A little while later, he emerged from behind his desk to see how his new charges were doing.
Stosh was busily tending his machine and Calvin was sweeping up every piece of litter in sight. But he did not see Ling anywhere.
He went back to the warehouse – no Ling.
He checked the receiving area – no Ling!
He even went into the mens room – still no Ling!
In desperation he was going back to his office to call personnel to inform them he had lost a new employee when out from behind a stack of boxes jumped Ling yelling…
Suplize!
22
Jun
This was just forwarded to me from a friend.
Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsofts new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are:
GPF key – This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.
$$ key – When this key is pressed, money is transferred automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for further action or third party intervention.
ZD key – This key was developed specifically for reviewers of Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within the file being edited.
MS key – This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled Computing for Mindless Drones in a 1 x 1 window.
FUD key – Self explanatory.
Chicago key – Generates do nothing loops for months at a time.
IBM key – Searches your hard disk for operating systems or applications by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them.
21
Jun
A man was crawling across the Desert dying of thirst, when a camel raced up and stopped. An Arab jumped down opened a suitcase and said, Would you like to buy a tie?
No, said the man, I need water, do you have water?
No, said the Arab, No water, but I do have a wonderful selection of ties.
He rode off, and the unfortunate man continued crawling across the hot sand until he came to a beautiful Hotel. He crawled up the steps, crying Water! Water!
The Manager approached him and said, Im sorry Sir, you cant come in here without a tie!!!
21
Jun
How do you tell the difference between a liberal and a conservative?
Easy. Watch a man drowning fifty feet offshore.
The conservative will throw out 25 feet of rope and shout swim for it!
The liberal will toss out 50 feet of rope, drop his own end, and
go off to do another good deed.
20
Jun
Q: What is the basement where White House staffers work called?
A: The whine cellar.
20
Jun
Dictionary of Evaluation Comments
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
20
Jun
Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water.
As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp(the kind the genies come in). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it.POOF out popped a tired old genie who said…
OK, so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. Buthey, Ive been doing this 3 wishes stuff for a long time now and quitefrankly, Im burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then Im OUTTA here. Make it a good one.
The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!!!
Fine, said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire ocean into beer.
Great move Einstein! said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the head. NOW were gonna have to pee in the BOAT!
20
Jun
I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.
The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.
20
Jun
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:
Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if its any good, Ill send you a check.
In a short time he received the following reply: Please send check. If its any good, well send the engine.