Old and New Jokes

1 acto: sale un café

2 acto: al café le echan pescado

3 acto: al mismo café le echan marisco. ¿Cómo se llamó la obra?

Café con aroma de mujer.

A blonde dyed her hair black, and thought she looked so great she decided to go for a drive in the country to celebrate. After a bit, she was driving by a sheep ranch and stopped to look at the sheep which she liked very much. She went over the the rancher and said, If I can tell you how many are in this field right now, will you let me have one? The rancher said, If you can count that fast, sure! The blonde said: 524. The rancher, amazed, told her to take her pick, for that was the exact count. After a few minutes, the blonde came back with her animal. The rancher said, If I can tell you what color your hair was before you dyed it, could I have my dog back?

Did you hear about the Texan who was so big that when he died they
couldnt find a coffin for him?

-They gave him an enema and burried him in a shoe box.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A: Because red means stop.

A doctor and his wife were sunbathing on a beach when a well-endowed, beautiful, young, blonde woman in a tight-fitting bikini strolled passed.

The woman looked at the doctor, smiled seductively, and said in a very sexy voice, Hi there handsome. How are you doing? before wiggling her backside and walking off.

Who was that?! demanded the doctors wife.

Errr … Just a woman I met professionally, replied the doctor.

Oh yeah?! snarled his wife, WHOSE profession? Yours, or HERS?

One day, a couple of weeks ago, I was writing in my notebook the lament
Warm beer and cold women, thats the story of my life.

A rather good looking chick sitting next to me noticed what I had written, and
replied, Thats really sad. Ill help you out. Come with me after class.
Naturally I did, and we went to her room.

It was one of the coldest bottles of Rolling Rock I ever had.

In a group therapy session, a discussion arose concerning the impact each person in the group was having on the world around him. The groupleader asked each member in turn what they would like the people at their funeral to say about them. The answers were the typical assortment of vague fluffy ideal-person statements, until finally the therapist came to the last person.What do you want the people at your funeral to say, Charles? she asked the man, who had obviously been thinking hard.I want them to say, Look! Hes alive!

You are all probably familiar with the lunacy that happens in New York City every spring when the gay group wants to march in the St. Patricks Day Parade, and the Ancient Order of Hibernians (or the Ancient Order of Hibernators, as we call them) wont let them in.

Having had some experience with elderly Irish relatives, my take on the situation is that it isnt that the group is gay that bugs them. Half of them dont even know what gay people are.

Its the fact that they can see that word homosexual has the word sex in it that bugs them.

why are blondes so dumb?
they are not every one else is really dumb

Two guys were out golfing and one said he was going to Doctor Brown and have a set of dentures made.

His golfing buddy commented that he did that same thing two years ago.

How do you like your new teeth… did Doctor Brown do a good job for you? asked his friend.

Well, I was out golfing the other day and a golfer hooked his drive off the tee on the adjacent hole. That ball must have been going six-hundred miles an hour when it hit me in the testicles… thats the first time in two years that my teeth didnt hurt me!

Lyles Joke Boutique.