Old and New Jokes

10. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.

8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.

7. The Its a Small World After All creatures go on a rampage.

6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting Kill Clinton, kill Clinton.

5. When you wish upon a star, nothing happens.

4. Unexpected power surge brings an angry Walt Disney back to life.

3. Main Street Electrical Parade becomes Main Street Two Guys With Plastic Flashlights Parade.

2. Ticket machine accidentally dispenses day passes for less than $600.

1. Two words: catapulting teacups.

One day, a bar owner decided he had enough of the slow business and needed a gimmick. He finally decided on one. He got a horse and put it in the bar. He placed a sign over the horse and had the sign read.

Pay $100, make the horse laugh win $1000 For years, the gimmick worked. Finally, a man walked into the bar saw the sign and asked, Is that sign for real? The bar owner told him it was.



The man paid $100, walked up to the horse and whispered something to the horse. The horse started to laugh falling to his knees.



The next day, the owner changed the sign.



Pay $100, make the horse cry, win $1000. For years the gimmick worked. One day, the same man walked into the bar and saw the sign. He paid the bar owner $100 and asked for a curtain. The man closed the curtain and then opened it a couple of moments later. The horse was now crying up a storm.



The man walked up to the bar owner and asked for his money. Not so fast, the bar owner said, First you have to tell me what you did both times! Simple, said the man, First I told him I was bigger, this time I proved it

What is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?

Its ass.

This guy goes to the pharmacist and says, Listen, these two girls are coming to my place for the weekend and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night. It is going to be a hell of a party.

The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, This stuff is very potent, you drink only one ounce of it and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know about it.

The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist is going to work and at the door of the drug store, the same fellow is there waiting for him. The pharmacist says, What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?

The guy replies, Quick open the store, I need Blue Ice (a pain muscle reliever).

The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, Are you crazy, you cant put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive.

The guy says, Its not for my penis, its for my arm. Pharmacist says, What?? What happened? Guy replies, Well…I drank the whole bottle of your potion. Pharmacist says, And… Guy replies, The girls never showed up!

Blonde Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer.


She called John, the computer guy, over to her desk.


John clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.


As he was walking away, Judy called after him, So, what was wrong?


He replied, It was an ID ten T error.


A puzzled expression ran riot over Judys face. An ID ten T error? Whats that … in case I need to fix it again??


He gave her a grin… 😉 … Havent you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?


No, replied Judy.


Write it down, he said, and I think youll figure it out.


This is what she wrote……..

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I D 1 0 T

How can you tell a blond has been working at a computer?

10. The Rosstafarians

9. United Were Nuts

8. The Dork-O-Crats

7. Wacky Ass Billionaires

6.The You Might Be A Redneck If You Join This Party Party

5.The Adorable Miniature Candidate And His Friends

4. Yankee Doodle Psychos

3. El Party De Nutjobs

2. Shorty And The Blowfish

1. The Hair Club For Geeks

La novicia encargada de las compras se iba persignando por toda la calle, cuando se topa con el cura:

¡Hija mía! ¿Por qué vas persignándote?

Es para que no se me olvide lo que me encargó la madre superiora.

¿Y qué fue lo que te encargó?

Una cabeza de ajo, dos litros de leche y un estropajo.

A scientist was successful in cloning himself, and was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.

My fellow scientists, he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone jumped up and shouted, hes a *&^^%*@)&!.

Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, My fellow scientists,. Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, this dumb *%@(&+*! couldnt produce a copy on a Xerox. Hes a fraudulent *$3%$#*#+=!.

Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.

The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New Yorks finest arrived and the events that had transpired were explained to them. The police chief said to the scientist, We are going to have to arrest you.

The scientist replied, For what? You cant arrest me for killing a clone!. The attending scientists nodded in agreement.

Well! retorted the police chief.

He thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for…

Making an obscene clone fall…

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

In English, he said, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such a Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, he pointed out, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.

A voice from the back of the room piped up, Yeah. Right.

Thanx to W. F. Norman.