The whisky story
An.
Old Smugglertold
Sir Williamthat he saw
Paul Jonestake
Lord Galvertsdaughter
Queen Annsout riding on his
White Horsedown to
Royal Castlenear
House of Lordsand for a
Silver Dollarhe laid her on the
Green Garpetwith her
Bottom Upand tickled her
Old Drumwith
Three Feathersand took out his
Johnny Walkerwhich was hard as a
Canadian Cluband put it in her
Red Hackleand gave her a shot of
Cream of Kentuckywhich started
Wilkin´s Family.
CHEMISTRY RHYMES
Old Man Stokes
Old man Stokes was a gentleman fine
Who lived beside the Raleigh line;
Old anti-Stokes, his existance denied,
Lived never-the-less on the other side.
Juan Pérez, mi programador asistente, siempre puede ser encontrado
trabajando duro en su cubÃculo. Juan labora sin descanso, sin andar
gastando el tiempo hablando con sus colegas. Juan nunca
lo piensa dos veces para ayudar a sus compañeros, y siempre
termina sus tareas a tiempo. Frecuentemente, Juan toma extremas
medidas para completar su trabajo, a veces saltándose las
pausas en el trabajo. Juan es un individuo que no tiene nada de
vanidad a pesar de sus altos logros y profundos
conocimientos en su campo. Creo firmemente que Juan puede ser
clasificado como de gran calibre, del tipo que no puede ser
expulsado. Por todo ello, recomiendo que Juan sea
promovido a un puesto ejecutivo, y para tal efecto un ascenso será
ejecutado tan pronto como sea posible.
Atentamente
El LÃder de Proyecto
SIGUE LEYENDO…
Poco tiempo después, el departamento de Recursos Humanos recibió el siguiento memo del LÃder de Proyecto:
Lo siento, pero ese idiota estaba leyendo sobre mis hombros cuando escribà el reporte que le mandé hoy por la mañana. Por favor lea sólo las lÃneas nones para conocer mi verdadera opinión.
Atentamente,
El LÃder de Proyecto.
How does an Amish farmer find a sheep in tall grass?
Very satisfying!
How come Texas A&M couldnt put on a nativity scene?
Because they couldnt find three wise men or a virgin!
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesnt serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar! The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, Got any nails? Confused, the bartenders says no. Good! says the duck. Got any grapes?
1. Free drinks. 2. Free dinners. 3. Free movies (you get the point). 4. You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks youre gay. 5. You can hug your friend without wondering if YOURE gay. 6. You know The Truth about whether size matters. 7. Speeding ticket? Whats that? 8. New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. 9. You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school. 10. If you have sex with someone and dont call him the next day, youre not the devil. 11. Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex. 12. If you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so, out loud. 13. If youre not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling. 14. You can sleep your way to the top. 15. You can sue the President for sexual harassment. 16. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep. 17. Its possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower. 18. No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo. 19. Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Tom Selleck. 20. You dont have to fart to amuse yourself. 21. If you cheat on your spouse, people assume its because youre being emotionally neglected. 22. YOU never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. 23. Youll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clipper. 24. No one passes out when you take off your shoes. 25. If you think the person youre dating really likes you, you dont have to break up with him. 26. Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store. 27. If you forget to shave, no one has to know. 28. You can congratulate your teammate without ever touching her ass. 29. If you have a zit, you can conceal it. 30. You never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there. 31. If youre dumb, some people will find it cute. 32. You dont have to memor
One day a neighbor of the blondes go over to her house and sees the blonde crying and asked her what had happened and the blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and settled her down a little and then left.
The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying again.
The blonde replied with, I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!
Yesterday,
I had Cesium with which to play.
Now all my fingers have been blown away.
And silence reigns since yesterday.
Suddenly,
Im just half the man I used to be.
I have no eyes with which to see.
My legs have parted company.
Why she had to blow,
I dont know,
I can only say.
Something went awful wrong,
In the waterbed where we lay.
Yesterday,
Her sky blue path seemed such an easy way.
Now I know there is a price to pay.
Oh, I believed just yesterday.
—Songs of Cesium #117
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.