Old and New Jokes

Burgers and flies.

The Election Is Over, The Results Are Known.

The Will Of The People Has Been Clearly Shown.

So Lets All Get Together And Let Bitterness Pass,

Ill Hug Your Elephant, And You Can Kiss My ASS!!!!!

Beware of those wearing suspenders with belts.

10) I cant believe people could actually get work done while trying to play this!!!9) Hey boss!!! OH wow!! cool!! Look at this!! Solitaire!!! I just found Solitaire on my computer!!! Did you know we have solitaire on these machines??? Well… back to work…8) This machine is all @#$%ed up AGAIN!!! (you quickly jump to the power button and shut down your computer the WRONG way…)7) Oohh…SOLITAIRE…I thought it said SOLID STAIR…Now I see what this is…6) Hey boss!!!…Whats this???…Oh, yea…Im on my lunchbreak right now, is this ok??…What??…its only 9:30???…did I say Lunch??…I meant coffee break!5) OK..whos the joker who pointed my accounting software to solitaire??? This is getting ridiculous!!!4) Sir!!!…Ive got a great new radio campaign which has an employee getting caught playing solitaire by his boss while hes suppose to be working…what would you say to me if you really caught me doing this???3) What the???…How in the world did this get here???2) Hello sir…do you know why every time I click on my microsoft word icon solitaire comes up??…its the weirdest thing…1) Well at least Im not on porn websites like Jenkins over there…

Crack Found on Governors Daughter

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Iraqi Head, Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isnt Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfield, (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

A man goes to a shrink and says, Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larrys bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! Im going crazy. What do you think I should do? Relax, says the Doctor, take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larrys bar?

Q: Why does everyone hate a banjo right off?
A: Saves time.

Q. Did you hear about the polish coyote?
A. Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs, and was still stuck…….

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: Thats not the point,whats she doing out of the kitchen?

A man driving down a deserted highway notices a sign:
SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILESHe thinks its a figment of his imagination and drives on. Soon, he sees another sign which says…SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES
Realizing these signs are real he drives on and soon sees a
third… SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – NEXT RIGHTHis curiosity gets the best of him, and he pulls into the
driveway. On the side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a sign on the door that reads… SISTERS OF MERCYHe climbs the steps, rings the bell, and the door is answered by a nun in a long black habit, who asks, What may we do for you, my son? I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing some business, he answers. Very well, my son. Please follow me, says the nun. He is led through many winding passages, and soon he is very disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, Please knock on this door, and leaves. The man does as he is told, and this door is opened by another nun in a long black habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs: Please place $50.00 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway. He places the money in the nuns tin cup. He trots eagerly down the hallway, and slips through the door, pulling it shut. The door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY.