Old and New Jokes

This town Inspector for the state of Texas was saent to a small town in West Texas.For Mapping Purposes. He drove into a small town and parked his car. The first thing he saw was a Cowboy chasing a coyote down the street. The Cowboy caught the coyote and comensed having sex with it in broad daylight in the middle of the street. The Inspector got all irate and said to himself,I got to report this to the Sheriff.

He runs to the Sheriffs office next door. The Sheriff wasnt there. The Inspector walked outside, asked a person on the street where the Sheriff might be. The person said at that time of day, the Sheriff was always at the bar.So the Inspector went to the bar,walked in, saw the Sheriff standing at the bar. As he was going towards the bar,he noticed an old man in the corner whackin off! This really upset him. He went over to confront the Sheriff. He said,Sheriff,Im with the State. Ive come to inspect your town. The first thing I see is a Cowboy chasing a coyote down main street; catching it, and comensinto have sex with it! Then I come to find you to report it, and I see an old man in the corner whackin off! How do you explain it?

The Sheriff cocks his hat back and scratches his head;looked squarely at the Inspector and said,You dont expect a man his age to catch a coyote do ya?

Why doesnt the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?

Because she doesnt want to get sand in her Busch.

The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge (Massachusetts) via
Massachusetts Avenue is commonly know as the Harvard Bridge. When it
was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge school
that could present the best claim for the honor. Harvard submitted an
essay detailing its contributions to education in America, concluding
that it deserved the honor of having a bridge leading into Cambridge
named for the institution. MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge
and found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named
for Harvard.

A: Last years hide and seek champ.

Whats the definition of a Jewish nyphomaniac?

One that screws when shes just had her hair done.

Moses is sitting in the Egyptian ghetto, things are going terrible: the
Pharoah wont even talk to him, the rest of the Hebrews are mad at him
for making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. Hes about
ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice speaks from above: You, Moses, heed
Me. I have good news, and bad news.

Moses is staggered. The voice continues:

You, Moses, will lead the
people of Israel from bondage. If the pharoah refueses to release your
bonds I will smote egypt with a rain of frogs.

You, Moses, will lead
the people of Israel to the promised land. If the pharoah blocks your
way I will smote egypt with a plague of locusts.

You, Moses, will lead
the people to freedom and safety. If the pharoahs army pursues you, I
will part the waters of the red sea to open your path to the promised
land.

Moses is stunned. He stammers, Thats, thats fantastic, I cant
believe it! – but whats the bad news?

You, moses, must write the environmental impact statement.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Q: Where are cows originally from?

A: Timbukmoo

This urban legend is said to happen to the King of Shoemakers Tomas Bata. (He was as important to Czech industry as Henry Ford I to the American one.)

Bata was driving through the country and suddenly he realized that something was wrong with his car. Fearing that he might get stuck in the road he stopped at a village and asked for help. The villains directed him to the local blacksmith.

The blacksmith inspected the engine, did something and the car was OK. Then he asked for 100 crowns. Bata was a bit discontent with paying so much money for a minutes work, so he asked for a detailed bill.

The blacksmith took a pencil and a scrap of paper and wrote:

fastened a screw: 2.00
knew which one: 98.00
——
total: 100.00

Q: How many soccer players does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to get into position to screw it in, one to kick the legs out from under him, one to snatch the lightbulb and pass it to his mate who, then goes and screws it in over the other side of the room, and one to roll around on the floor pretending to be really injured.