You might be a redneck if you smoke hams after sex.
14
Feb
14
Feb
1) Bumper Sticker: Congress Happens
2) What do you give to a congressman who has everything?
An investigation!
3) What is a congressmans favorite color?
Plaid
( #1 heard on local radio–Brian Wilson, WGST 640 AM,
#2 heard from a friend,
#3 heard from same friend )
13
Feb
En una zona militar un valiente soldado recibe un tiro en un brazo. Inmediatamente fue atendido por el doctor, el cual le dijo:
Amigo tenemos que amputar el brazo.
¡No!, entonces cómo podre tirar.
No se preocupe, le podemos poner hacer un transplante que le servira igual que el brazo original.
Está bien.
Hay un sólo problema, el brazo es de mujer.
No importa si es que voy a estar bien.
El soldado es operado y cuando despertó de la anestesia, tenÃa su nuevo brazo que le quedó como si fuera suyo desde un principio. Por recomendación del médico regresó a los quince dÃas para un chequeo.
¿Cómo le va con el brazo?
Muy bien, sólo un pequeño problema.
¿Cuál?
¡Qué cuando voy al baño a orinar no me quiere soltar!
13
Feb
The men of Charlie Company had been in the field for two weeks when the Sarge announces, Ive got good news and bad news.
First the good news. Today were going to change our underwear.
The troops start cheering wildly. Now the bad news, continues the Sarge. Smith, you change with Jones.
Andrews, you change with Murphy . . .
13
Feb
A brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop.
Oh no! cried the brunette. Is he following me?
Yep, replied the blonde.
Im going to drive down this little side road, okay? said the brunette.
Yep, replied the blonde.
Is the cop still following me?
Yep.
Is his lights on?
Yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope…
12
Feb
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Butter!
Butter who?
Butter bring an umbrella, it looks like it might rain!
12
Feb
Its a bummer to be an egg because…
1) You only get laid once.
2) You only get eaten once.
3) It takes 7 minutes to get hard.
4) You have to come in a box with 11 others.
5) The only one wholl sit on your face is your mother.
12
Feb
David Greenland is an expert on Land Resource Planning.
Anthony Pinto is Production Manager of Ford Motor Company. (No! the car was not named after him)
Dr Coffin is the head of the CMA. (Canadian Medical Association)
Peter Nix is a toxicologist at Environment Canada.
Rik Scarce is in jail for non-revelation of his sociology study sources
Otto Matt was a pioneer in digital cartography
Sergei Chilibashwilli – Soviet athlete who fatally bashed his willy on the concrete platform at the Edmonton Student Games.
Andrew Payer is an auditor in the pay office of Health and Welfare Canada
John Trout works for Environmental Communications.
Dr. M. Gawk-roger is my opthalmologist.
Bill Hogg is a hobby farmer and physician.
Nancy Savage is a corporate lawyer.
Byrd Airport in Richmond VA.
Sally Ryde was the first woman to have a ride in the Space shuttle Challenger. Lucky she didnt get the second.
Wendy Parkes is a bureaucrat in Parks Canada.
Steve Podborski: The great downhiller who won the 1981 World Championship: rides his boards in a characteristic pod. (the pod he is affectionally known). Eddie Podivinski won the Salbach Downhill Jan 94.
Harry Rosenbloom is a horticulturalist at the Experimental farm.
Dr. G.G. Barber is a vascular surgeon.
Robert P. Wood. Built the XP-77 fighter in 1942 in response to the U.S. Army call for a fighter built of wood to match the Japanese Zero.
Peter Popoff: Television Faith Healer with miracles of Power! Power! Power!
Lorena Bobbit! Oh! my Gawwwwd!!
11
Feb
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Zaire!
Zaire who?
Zaire air is polluted!
11
Feb
Q: How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Illumination is irrelevant.
Q. What does a depressed Borg say?
A. Everythings NOT futile.
Q: Why did the Borg cross the road?
A: Standing there was futile.