I was watching a documentary on Aleut life yesterday.
The father of the family was telling his clan that the Aleuts were generally very slow to accept modern technology. In fact they suspected it a great deal.
One pregnant woman complained to the doctor that a stuck phonograph record had affected her unborn child.
Nonsense, said the doctor, I dont see how it could bother … could bother … could bother … could bother … could bother … could bother.
One day Ma and pa were sitting on the porch, when Pa said to Ma juniors 21 years old now It’s about time we teach him about sex.
Ma said ya know pa your right.
So pa said to junior hey junior come on out to the porch for a second.
so junior came on out to the porch, Junior says ya pa whatcha want.
Pa said junior it’s about time we teach you about sex.
Junior said sex whats sex.
Pa turned to ma and told her to take off her clothes, so ma does, and she does a spread eagle right there on the porch.
Pa says to junior see that hole in ma? watch this. So pa starts going at it with ma.
In the mean time juniors brother comes out to the porch, he’s 18 and says, Junior whats ma and pa doing.
Junior says their teaching me about sex.
Junior’s brother says sex whats sex.
Junior says see that hole in pa watch this.Red
Q: What do you call a bunch of gay guys standing on line?
A: Fruit by the foot.
Q. What does a black boy get for Christmas? A. Your Bike.
A farmers last rooster dies leaving his 200 hens unable to produce chicks. He logs onto roosters.com, finds a highly-touted and high-priced specimen, clicks order and the next day, FedEx delivers a rather ordinary looking rooster named Randy. Before releasing Randy to the chicken coop, the farmer tells him, You were one danged expensive rooster and I’ve got a couple hundred chickens here for you to service, so take your time and do a good job. Randy acts as if he understands, but as soon as he is released he attacks the hens with a vengeance, working his way through the entire flock, not just once, but three times without pause! The farmer can’t believe his eyes. Then Randy runs out of the hen house, sees a flock of geese down by the lake and services all the geese. The farmer is distraught, worrying that his expensive rooster won’t make it through the night. Sure enough, the next morning when the farmer wakes, he sees Randy lying dead, buzzards circling overhead. As the farmer bends over to retrieve his costly loss, he shakes his head and says, Damn it, Randy! Didn’t I tell you to pace yourself? Randy opens one eye, looks at the circling buzzards and says, Shhh. Theyre getting closer.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Lilac!
Lilac who?
Lilac a trooper!
Dos niños de 5 años estaban orinando y uno le dice al otro:
¿Porqué tu pene es tan raro?
Porque me circuncidaron.
¿Y qué quiere decir eso?
Que me cortaron el pellejito del pene.
¿Y qué edad tenÃas cuando te lo hicieron?
Mi mamá me dijo que dos dÃas.
¿Y no te dolió?
Por supuesto que sÃ, ¡no pude caminar en un año!
Q: What food decreases a womans sex drive by 90%
A: wedding cake
Santa was having a really bad day.First the elves go on strike and he has to make all the last minute gifts by himself.When hes loading the gifts into the sleigh, the bottom of the sleigh falls right off. So he goes and gets the tool kit.Hes almost done, untill all the deer got loose and he hit his thumb with the hammer. He says Thats it, Ive had it!So after he gathers all the deer and puts them in the barn,he goes inside to have a drink of juice and rum. He goes to get the rum, but Mrs. Claus left a note saying that all the elves took the rum wen they went on strike.He goes to open the juice but when he is tring to open the juice bottle it slips right out of his hands and breaks into a billion pieces.He goes to get the broom but the mice ate all the straw off it.Then he hears a very loud knock at the door. When he goes to answer it their is an angel with a wonderful tree in her hands. She says Isnt this the most beautiful tree youve ever seen?Santa says Its not that bad.Angel goes Where should I put it?
And now you know why theirs an angel on top of the tree…
Outraged wife: Couldnt you think of anything better than coming home drunk like this?
Husband: Yes, but she was out of town!