A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused.
A man comes in and asks the farmer, Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting
drunk?
Farmer: Some things you just cant explain.
Man: So what happened thats so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but thats not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just cant explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just cant explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm…
Farmer: Some things you just cant explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didnt have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in…..
Q: How many members of the royal family does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Actually none. As your queen I would like to reassure the people of the commonwealth that while our family may have had our Annus Horribilis and while some of us may have screwed in the stables or in the mud, none of us, to my knowledge, have actually screwed in a lightbulb.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Olivia!
Olivia who?
Olivia but I lost the key!
17. There is no I in teamwork. But there is in management kiss-up.
16. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
15. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
14. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.
13. If you think were a bad company, you should see the competition.
12. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings–they did it by killing all those who oppose them.
11. We put the k in kwality.
10. 2 days without a human rights violation.
9. Your job is STILL better than asking, You want fries with that?
8. We build great products when we feel like it and dont have any reason to call in sick.
7. If at first you dont succeed, try management.
6. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
5. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
4. Pride, Commitment, Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.
3. If at first you dont succeed, delegate it.
2. Plagiarism saves time.
1. Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines.
A sardar boarded a train. Suddenly he felt a necessity to use the toilet. He entered the toilet and saw his reflection in the mirror, which was right opposite the door. Thinking it to be another sardar, he excused himself, and went to wait outside. When after some time he re-entered the toilet, he saw the same sardar again, seeing this, he again excused himself.
This went on for about an hour, and now sardarji were in great trouble, suddenly he saw a sardar TTC, and he thanked god for his help, and went to the TTC. He told the TTC his trouble. TTC assured him that he would do all he could to help a fellow sardar, and entered the toilet.Then he came back and told the sardar, Sorry, cant help you. He is a staff member!
A very absent-minded professor entered a crowded bus, with no available seats. Suddenly a little girl raised from her seat and offered it to the professor. He was astonished and said to her:
– You are a very good girl, whats your name?
– My name is Eve, daddy …
A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up crossing the room to close the door to his room.
Three presidents and Bill Clinton are in Air Force One. The engines start to die and the plane starts to go down. The pilot comes out and says there is only one parachute I will stay and die for my country but the rest of you will have to decide who’s going to jump and who will live. So the first general jumps out the back and yells, “I did it for my country”! The second general jumps out and says, “I did it for my country”! Now the third general pushes Bill Clinton out the window and says, “I did it for my country”!
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: Theyre doing research on black holes.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.