A: Wave to her.
11
Sep
11
Sep
Though the walls of our apartment complex arent particularly thin, the
floors and ceilings act as amplifiers. One night, several months ago, my
wife and I were lying in bed. Noticing the repeated constant sound of a bed
scooting along the floor and a headboard banging against a wall, we became
aware that the occupants of the bedroom directly were doing more than tossing
and turning in their sleep. This went on for some time. Later we described
the event to our friends.
US: For the first five minutes, it was funny and kind of embarrassing that
we could hear them so well.
After about ten minutes, it became really annoying.
After fifteen minutes, it was getting very frustrating because it was
keeping us from going to sleep…
FRIENDS: And then?
US: And then after twenty straight minutes…Okay, after twenty minutes it
was pretty damn impressive.
11
Sep
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout Counter
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isnt Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
11
Sep
International Travellers Bloopers
1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat.
2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???).
9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: no ice cream.
10. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
11. Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
12. Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: English well talking. Here speeching American.
13. At a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop you trousers here for best results.
14. At a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
15. A sign posted in Germanys Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
16. In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
17. In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
18. In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
19. At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
20. At an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here (mmm…).
21. At a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but youll find they are best in the long run.
22. A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
23. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.
24. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
25. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
26. On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcom to it.
27. In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
28. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
29. On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firms own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finder; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion.
10
Sep
What do a bungee jump and hooker have in common?
Theyre both fast, cheap, and if the rubber breaks your dead!
10
Sep
Girl to Doctor: Doctor, Help! My brother thinks hes a chicken!
Doctor: How long has this been going on?
Girl: About a year.
Doctor: Wow! Why didnt you tell me sooner?
Girl: Because we needed the eggs!
10
Sep
You might be a redneck if…
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
10
Sep
The snowblower was on its way.
09
Sep
Unos espermatozoides se encuentran en los testÃculos y habÃa uno, llamado Manolo, que siempre quedaba último en la carrera hacia el óvulo. El pobre les daba pena a los demás y por eso un dÃa decidieron dejarle ganar.
Llegó el dÃa y se dió el pistoletazo de salida. Todos salieron disparados y el pobre Manolo se empezó a quedar rezagado, asà que los demás frenaron para dejarle ganar. Manolo los adelantó a todos y pletórico se puso primero. Poco a poco fue llegando a la luz que veÃa al final del túnel y salió disparado finalmente por el agujero final gritando:
¡¡Agarradme que es una paja…!!
09
Sep
Pepe, Juan y Fernando, muy buenos amigos, eran tres estudiantes foráneos que rentaban un departamento cercano a la universidad. Un dÃa, Juan y Pepe estaban viendo la TV, cuando suena el teléfono, y le informan a Pepe que la mamá de Fernando se acaba de morir.
¡En la madre! ¿Ahora quién le da la noticia a este güey? ¡Se va a poner muy mal!
Pepe se declara negado:
No, yo no le digo. Yo estoy muy güey para esos trotes. Dile tú.
No te preocupes, ya veré como se lo digo suavemente.
Al rato, llega Fernando:
¿Quihubo, cabrones? ¿Por qué esas pinches caras de atropellados?
Este… Ven, quiero platicar contigo, le llama Juan.
Pues, suéltala ya.
FÃjate que estaba pensando: ¿qué sucederÃa si algo malo nos pasara?
Nombre, no digas eso. ¿Qué nos puede pasar?
Uno nunca sabe. Dime, ¿qué preferirÃas: que se muriera tu mamá o que se muriera la mÃa?
No digas eso, ¡cómo que se muera mi mamá o la tuya! Ninguna, no juegues.
No, pero ¿si tu tuvieras que escoger?
En ese caso que se muera la tuya.
Ãndele, cabrón, por ojete se murió la tuya.