Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?

A: Reservations.

Q: Why did the mathematicians pen run out of ink?
A: Because he was writing in recursive.

Whats worse than a male chauvinist pig?

A woman that wont do what shes told.

One day an old jewish pole, living in Warsaw, has his last light bulb
burn out. To get a new one hell have to stand in line for two hours
at the store (and theyll probably be out by the time he gets there),
so he goes up to his attic and starts rummaging around for an old oil
lamp he vaguely remembers seeing.

He finds the old brass lamp in the bottom of a trunk that has seen
better days. He starts to polish it and (poof!) a genie appears in
cloud of smoke.

Hoho, Mortal! says the genie, stretching and yawning, For releasing
me I will grant you three wishes.

The old man thinks for a moment, and says, I want Genghis Khan
resurrected. I want him to re-unite his mongol hordes, march to the
Polish border, and then decide he doesnt want the place and march
back home.

No sooner said than done! thunders the genie. Your second wish?

Ok. I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his
mongol hordes, march to the Polish border, and then decide he doesnt
want the place and march back home.

Hmmm. Well, all right. Your third wish?

I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his —

Okokok. Right. Whats this business about Genghis Khan marching to
Poland and turning around again?

The old man smiles. He has to pass through Russia six times.

Henry Cate III

Q. Whats the difference between an elephants fart and a cocktail saloon?

A. Ones a Bar Room and the others a BARRROOOOOOOMMMM!!!!

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, If it werent for my money, the house wouldnt be here! The wife replied, My dear, if it werent for your money I wouldnt be here.

A bartender was washing glasses one afternoon when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The Irishman looked down the bar and said, Is that Jesus down there? The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.

The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, too.



The third patron to enter the bar was a redneck, who swaggered into the bar and hollered, Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Hey, is that Gods Boy down there? The barkeep nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.



As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, For your kindness, you are healed! The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.



Jesus touched the Italian and said, For your kindness, you are healed! The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door. Jesus walked toward the redneck, but the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, Dont touch me! Im drawing disability!

yo mama is so hairy she has afros on her nipples!





yo mama soooo hary when u were born u got rug burn!!!





yo mama sooo hairy when she sees a bear she sings we r family!!!







yo mama soooo ugly that a blind man wouldnt have sex with her!!!





yo mama sooo ugly she makes the blind kids cry at the daycare!!!





yo mama so stupid she put a batery up her but and yelled ive got the power!!!





yo mama like a door nob every one get a turn!!





yo mama like a matress shes always laid!!!





yo mamas like block buster every one goes home happy!!





yo mama like a biycecle every ones riding her!!!





yo mama like a drum shes getting baned 24-7 !!!





yo mama sooo dumb when i said christmas is around the corner she went looking for it!!!





yo mama soo ugly she had to tie a steak to her neck to take the dog for a walk!!!





yo mama like a bowling ball she get picked up fingered and laid and always comes back for more!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

16. Carry old orange juice around with you everywhere you go.

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor.