23
Feb

Spinsters Three Wishes

The old spinster was rocking on her front porch with her tomcat at her feet, when a good fairy suddenly appeared before her and offered her three wishes.

Aw, go on, the little old lady said in disbelief, if you can grant three wishes, lets see you turn this rocking chair into a pile of gold?

The good fairy waved her hand, and pouf, the rocking chair turned into a pile of pure gold. Her face lighting up, the lady said I really get two more wishes?

Yes, the good fairy assured her. Anything your heart desires.

Then make me into a beautiful, voluptuous young woman. Another wave of her hand, and the wish was granted.

Finally, make my faithful old cat into a tall, dark and handsome young man.

The good fairy waved her hand and disappeared as the third wish came true, and a handsome muscular young man stood where the tomcat had just been sleeping.

The young man approached the once-old lady, took her in his arms and murmured… Now, arent you sorry you sent me to the vet?

23
Feb

The young doctor

A young doctor had been treating his patient for diabetes for quite some time, using alternative methods, with excellent results.

His nurse, however, believed that the patient should be on insulin.

As a result, the patient had a few doubts and decided to ask him about it. She did so in the following manner: Doctor, If I were your mother, would I be on insulin now?

To which he replied, Absolutely not! Then, after a short pause, he added, She doesnt believe in doctors!

23
Feb

He thought it was a

He thought it was a delivery service.

22
Feb

Missappropriated Chump

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him. You, sir, are drunk! And you maam, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!

22
Feb

Fired Up

A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application.

As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job shes ever held.

I must say, says the executive, your work history is terrible. Youve been fired from every job. Yes, says the lady. Well, continues the executive, theres not much positive in that.

Well, says the woman as she pokes the application. At least Im not a quitter!

21
Feb

Yo mama is so stupid

Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

21
Feb

A BBS Commandment

2. Thou shalt remember thy name and password.

21
Feb

True story about cybersex in the Internet

An anonymous girl lets call her Jen, is a junior in college attending school in Colorado, like all college students, she is wrapped up in the partying and the wildness college life has to offer. Jen being the computer science major that she is does however have a lot of work to do on her computer so when shes not out having a good time, shes working her butt off designing computer programs and installing software.

One day, soon after she had broken up with her boyfriend, she was home alone on a Friday night for the first time in the three years they had been dating. She was sad alone and depressed, so she decided to make a new homepage.

She was playing on the net when she decided to get onto a chat line, being the wild psycho she is she decided to get onto a sex line. So Jen got onto a sex chat line and started playing around on it.

Over the line, she met a guy who identified himself as Jeremy, she started playing with him, she gave a false name, saying her name was Katie and started getting into detail about what she would like to do to him with her tongue. He responded by telling her to picture being naked while his hands ran over every square inch of her body. Soon they were having cybersex. This went on for awhile, and then she got off the line agreeing to meet him back on the line the following night.

Saturday night rolls around, and Jen is on the line with Jeremy again, they become even closer this night, so they continue like this for a week. At the end of the week, they started talking about other things, and got into very intimate issues and feelings.

They became close, exchanging their lives, Jen didnt tell Jeremy she was in college, because she was afraid of sounding like an immature college girl. She felt guilty, but after a few weeks, she really liked this guy. This went on the two of them like this for months, and months turned into a year.

By the end of the year they had exchanged the most intimate thoughts, and yet had never even spoken on the phone. They were afraid of ruining the mystery. They had done everything sexually possible over the net, they were affectionate as well, waiting for the day that they could some day be together. They finally decided they had had enough.

They wanted to meet each other, they were in love and they had to meet. They didnt care about age or looks or anything but each other. Jeremy told Jen he thought she could be his next wife. Jen was weary at first but decided she didnt care how old he was or how ugly she loved him, he was the only one she could feel comfortable with.

so … they planned a trip to meet in Vail, Colorado. They were going to spend the weekend together and finally meet. Jen didnt want the hassle of having to find him, so she said, why dont you just get the room and well meet in the room that way there will be no mistake. Jeremy agreed.

Jen showed up at the resort first, and checked into the room telling the desk lady to hold the key for the next party, so she went into the room. She wanted things to be special so she lit some candles, put on some music. She stripped naked and climbed into the bed under the covers, deciding to surprise Jeremy when he got there.

The time soon came, the lights were out, the mood was right, and she heard a key in the door. She heard someone walk in and around the corner and she whispered, Jeremy.

Jeremy said, Katie? (this was the false name she had given him).

Yes she said, so he fumbled for the light, and turned it on to see Jen on the bed naked before him. Then next thing heard around the world were two blood curling screams.

Jen covered herself up, and with her most humiliating voice said, Dad??? and Jeremy said, JEN!!!

Think of what you would do in this situation …

Now realize this really did happen.

Their lives will never be the same.

21
Feb

You might be a redneck if…

You might be a redneck if…
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"

21
Feb

The Crazies

A man is walking along the road, when he hears someone shouting Twelve! Twelve! over a fence.

As he walks closer to the fence, they start shouting Thirteen! Thirteen!

Curious, the man looks through a gap in the fence. Suddenly hes poked in the eye by a man on the other side, and as he lies there, clutching his head, the man hears Fourteen! Fourteen!