The following letter was reported in the BBC Radio 4 News Quiz as
appearing in a Newfoundland newspaper:
Sir,
In 50 years, I have never before felt the need to write to a newspaper.
However, in the light of recent events, I can remain quiet no longer.
Yours sincerely….
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Joe, a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, do you mind telling me whose class youre cutting this time?
Like, the young teen replied, uh, see, okay, like its like I really dont like think like thats really important, yknow, like because Im yknow, like I dont get anything out of it.
Its English class, isnt it? replied the smiling teacher.
Patrick, who was vacationing in the Bahamas couldnt seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. Mate, its obvious, says the lifeguard, youre wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. Theyre years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos – about two sizes too small – and drop a fist-sized potato down inside em. Im tellin ya man… youll have all the babes ya want!The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!So he went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, Whats wrong now? Damn, Mate! said the lifeguard, The potato goes in front!!
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Mary!
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
Un granjero estaba dando instrucciones a su esposa antes de salir de compras al pueblo.
El veterinario va a venir esta tarde a inseminar a una de las vacas. Puse un clavo en el establo junto a la vaca para que sepas cual es la que quiero que insemine.
Seguro de que incluso su tonta esposa podrÃa seguir sus instrucciones, el granjero salió al pueblo.
Por la tarde llego el inseminador y la esposa lo condujo al establo, directamente donde se encontraba el clavo. Esta es la vaca, dijo ella.
Oiga, ¿y el clavo para qué es?
¡Supongo que para que cuelgue sus pantalones!
Its out of my control.
Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going.
Really bad, said the second bee, the weather has been really wet and damp and there arent any flowers or pollen, so I cant make any honey
No problem, said the first bee, Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. Theres a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.
Thanks for the tip said the second bee and flew away.
A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again and the first bee asked, Howd it go?
Fine, said the second bee, It was everything you said it would be.
Uh, whats that thing on your head? asked the first bee.
Thats my yarmulka, said the second bee, I didnt want them to think I was a wasp.
Definitely from the B list… 🙂
Origin unknown.
Q: Why are lawyers buried twelve feet in the ground instead of six?
A: Because deep down they are really nice people.
There was this bartender & he was working at the bar one night. In walked a group of blondes & they were chanting 44 days! 44 days! One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame. The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked, Why are you chanting 44 days? She set down the puzzle on the counter and said, A lot of people think us blondes are dumb, so to show them, we bought this puzzle and put it together. It said 1-3 months but we completed it in 44 days!