Old and New Jokes

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws!

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

Well, he said, Ive been seeing this girl for a while and shes really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonights the night. Were having dinner with her parents, and then were going out. And Ive got a feeling Im gonna get lucky after that.

Once shes had me, shell want me all the time, so youd better give me the 12 pack.

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents.

He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over and says, You never told me that you were such a religious person.

He leans over to her and says, You never told me that your father is a pharmacist!

Q: Why did the Turtle cross the road?

A: To get to the shell station.

One day a teacher told her students to make a sentence out of these three words:

1.deduct
2.defense
3.defeat

None of the students could give her an answer. But then the only Mexican student said Oh, no problem, teacher. I can do it!

He stood up and said, Dee duck jumped over dee fence and hurt dee feet.

Yo mama so stupid she hears its chilly outside so she gets a bowl

What do u say to a blonde when your in a hurry

A.Ill take it to go

A ho down.

According to the university of incomplete research, 1 out of 10.

Try this – it is amazing! This really WORKS!!!
  

Think of a letter between A and W. Repeat it out loud as you keep going!
  scroll down   Think of an animal that begins with that letter. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
  scroll down   Think of a mans/womans name that begins with the last letter in that animal. Say it out loud as you scroll down.
  scroll down   Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.
  scroll down   Take the hand you counted with, smack yourself in the head, get back to work and quit playing stupid e-mail games.