Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer.
10. The monitor is up on cinder blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco and whiskey stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is Huntin.
4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
1. The mouse is referred to as a critter.
Q. Whats the definition of a lesbian?
A. A woman doing a mans job better again!
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
What is the big brass gong and hammer for? one of his friends asked.
That is the talking clock, the man replied.
Hows it work? the friend asked.
Watch, the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall…
KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! Its two oclock in the morning!
If you dont have someone tracking you down you havent exhausted your
credit options.
A: She needed them for the darkroom she was building.
Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
Womens Lament:
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have
no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with
money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat
heterosexual, dont think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,
somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and
have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy
and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose
interest in us when we take the initiative.
And yet, WOMEN are the CONFUSING sex?
Q: Why does an oboist always have to fight for correct intonation?
A: Because most oboes are full of holes.
Little Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms.
His dad said, Well, Johnny, can you touch your asshole with your dick?
Johnny said, No!!
Johnnys dad said, Well, theres your answer.
Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios.
His dad, again, said, Can you touch your asshole with your dick?
Johnny said,No!!
His dad said, Well, theres your answer.
At the end of the shopping trip, Johnnys dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket.
Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!!
His dad said,Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man?
Johnny asked,Dad, can you touch your asshole with your dick?
Johnnys dad said,As a matter of fact, I can!
Johnny said,GOOD, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!