La maestra le pregunta a los niños:
A ver niños ¿qué es la luz? Ajá, Pedrito dime.
Bueno, maestra la luz es una fuente de energÃa.
Muy bien. ¿Alguien más? SÃ, Pepito ¿qué es la luz?
Bueno, maestra la LUZ SE COME.
¿Se come? ¿Cómo es eso? ExplÃcate.
Bueno, maestra, la luz se come porque ayer oà a mi papá diciéndole a mi mamá:
Apaga la luz que hoy te la comes todita.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a womans finger and two under the mans eyes.
Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
There were three guys stuck on an island. On of them found a lamp and rubbed it. Out came a genie. He said for freeing me Ill grant you each a wish.
The first guy said I wish I were 25% smarter. So poof! He was 25% smater built a raft and got off the island.
The nex guy said I wish I were 50% smarter. So poof! He was 50% smater built a canoe and got off the island.
The last guy said I wish I were 100% smarter. So poof! He was 100% turned into a girl and walked across the bridge!!
There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old woman. A year later the woman had a baby and the doctor came out and told the old man that he was the father of a 9lb 8oz baby boy. The old man replied, “This old motor is still a running.” Next next year his wife had another baby and the doctor came out and told the man that he was the father of a 8lb 5oz baby girl. The old man replied, “This old motor is still a running.” The next year his wife was back in the hospital yet again, having their third child and the doctor came out and told the old man that he was the father of a 10lb 9oz baby boy. The old man replied again, “This old motor is still a running. And the doctor said, “Yeah but you better get your oil changed beacuse this one is black.”
Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar, where Mick bragged to Sean, You know, I had me every woman in this town, except of course, me mother and me sister.
Well, Sean replied, between you and me we got em all.
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
83. Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
Told by Rabbi Lionel Blue on Thought for the day, Radio 4, Monday
29th July 1991.
A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and
sleeping disorder.
I am so obsessed with my mother… As soon as I go to sleep, I start
dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in
such a state, all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast.
The psychiatrist replies:
What, just one piece of toast, for a big boy like you?
Q: How can you tell a blondes been using the computer?A: Theres white-out all over the screen.
Long ago in a Polish town there lived a wise Rabbi. One night a
peddler came to the Rabbis house. Rabbi, he said, I am going to kill
myself!
Heaven, forbid! cried the Rabbi, What could make you have
such a sinful thought?
Is it better than I should starve to death!
Today my horse died and without a horse I cannot earn my living!
Look,
said the Rabbi, the Holy One, Blessed be He, will provide for you.
Tonight, at midnight, meet me at the stable of the Count. The peddler
had no idea what the Rabbi could mean, but obediently he arrived at
the Counts stables at 12 oclock sharp. The Rabbi took him to one of
the stalls and told him to take the beautiful white stallion standing
there.
Oy, vay! said the peddler, I cant do this, the Count will
have me hanged!
Dont worry, the Rabbi assured him, take the horse
and go in peace. Since in those days one did not disobey a Rabbi, the
peddler did as he was told.
When he had gone the Rabbi lay down in the stall and went to sleep. The
next morning the Count arrived with his groom and seeing the man asleep
on the floor, kicked him and cried: Hey you, who are you, what are you
doing here, where is my horse?!
The Rabbi sat up and rubbed his eyes.
Then he jumped to his feet and raised his hands to the sky and cried:
Thanks be to God, creator of the Universe!
Whats this, whats this,
cried the Count,what is going on, who are you, where is my horse??!
Dont you understand? said the Rabbi, I was your horse! I used to
be a famous scholar. But one night I succumbed to the Evil Impulse and
went to a prostitute. In punishment the Holy One turned me into your
horse. But in my misery I repented and prayed for forgiveness. Finally
my prayers were heard and I have been changed back into a human being.
Thanks be to God, creator of the Universe!
Now the Count was a
devout man and a respecter of miracles and so he also cried, Thanks
be to God, creator of the Universe! and let the Rabbi go.
Several weeks later the Count was riding through the town. Suddenly
he spied the peddler leading his beautiful white stallion. He leaped
from his carriage and ran to the beast, struck him brutally on the
rear end with his riding crop and shrieked: Scoundrel! Ingrate!
Going to prostitutes again??!!