Una pareja ha ligado en un bar; van rápidamente al apartamento de uno de ellos y enseguida empiezan a follar apasionadamente. En esto, el tÃo se fija en que cada vez que entra, la chica dobla las puntas de los dedos de los pies y cuando la saca los vuelve a enderezar. Sin darle mayor importancia, él sigue en lo suyo, pero al acabar le pregunta a la chica por qué hacÃa eso.
Es que no me diste tiempo para quitarme los pantis.
Little four-year-old Julie was looking at her new baby brother for the first time. He was fast asleep.
After staring at her tiny, motionless baby brother for a few minutes, Julie looked up at her mother and asked plaintively, Didnt he come with batteries?
Where I work we have a policy of posting all notices in bilingual format,
English and French.
The other day someone sent the following notice to all workers by e-mail:
***********************************************************************
* English: Disregard the fire alarm today. Technicians are working on *
* the system and there will be a lot of audible tests. *
* *
* French: La meme chose. *
***********************************************************************
All I want for Christmas is:
14K Gold Lexus
Paprika
TV show Cops to do a bust on the neighbors
Coupon for a 30-minute lobotomy
Godfather, Part 8 coming to a theater near you
Mount Vernon
2-liter bottle of Ginger Ale
Five tickets to last years Superbowl game
Janet Renos autograph
My family to leave the country
Q: What are the administrations favorite words in foreign policy?
A: We have not ruled out military force.
Un abuelo se encontraba rodeado de sus nietos, mientras les platicaba de sus aventuras en el Ãfrica:
Una vez me encontraba en un safari, en un claro de la selva, cuando, de repente, entre los arbustos aparece un león. Entonces, lentamente llevé mi mano al hombro derecho y me doy cuenta que no tenÃa mi escopeta. En aquel momento, me toco la cadera derecha y compruebo que no tenÃa mi escuadra; veo del lado izquierdo de mi pantalón y tampoco llevaba el cuchillo…
¿Y qué hiciste, abuelo?, gritan a coro los nietos.
Pues me di la vuelta y salà corriendo. El león comenzó a perseguirme, pero cuando me lanzó un zarpazo se resbaló y yo seguà corriendo. La fiera volvió a lanzarme otro zarpazo más, pero de nuevo se resbaló. Yo seguà corriendo y asà varias veces que se repite la acción…
Abuelo, pero asà cualquiera se caga, le interrumpe un nieto.
¿Y con qué crees que se venÃa resbalando el león?
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
Come with me, said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.
Wow, thank you, said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
Wait, I think you are a little mixed up, said the priest. Shouldnt I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached Gods word.
Yes, thats true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.
The Guardian of 8th August reports that the U.S publishers of a book
on sky diving, called Easy Sky Diving, have hurriedly recalled all
copies of the book to insert an erratum slip. It reads: Please make
the following correction. On page 8 line 7, State zip code should
read Pull rip cord.
REAL QUESTIONS ASKED IN SCIENCE CLASSES
Are the rivers flowing up the mountain or down the mountain?
Is that the ocean? (Asked while on a field trip to Marine Lab Beach on Guam (a small island in the Pacific).
How can the river be flowing north? Thats uphill!
How can mass wasting be an agent of landscape formation on the Moon? The Moon has no gravity!
How do I get water into this beaker?
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles…the salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?
He answers, You see, its like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure that if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!