Old and New Jokes

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

What did the FBI find in the pocket of Monica Lewinskys dress?

A wad of Bills.

This cabdriver is having an affair with a married woman.
So theyre making love in the afternoon while the husband is supposedly
at work, when suddenly a car pulls up in the driveway. The woman
exclaims, Oh my god! My husband is home early! You have to get out
of here, hes a weightlifter and hell break every bone in your body!

Well, the cabdriver is terrified and runs out of the bedroom. A moment
later the husband comes bursting into the room, yelling, All right,
I know youve been fooling around, where is he? As hes running around
the house looking for the guy, through the kitchen window he sees a
cab driving away. Hes so angry he picks up the refrigerator and
hurls it out the window at the cab! Unfortunately, he misses, and
even more unfortunately, he suffers a triple hernia and dies on the
spot.

The next thing he knows hes standing in line, waiting to get into heaven.
When he gets to the front of the line, St. Peter asks him how he died,
he explains, and he is admitted. Next, please, says St. Peter. And
how did you die, sir?

Well, says the cabbie, I was hiding in this refrigerator when …

Dave Wagner
University of Washington Comp Sci Department

The city does not employ so-called wallet inspectors.
Remember: regular hot dogs do not have fingernail.
Yelling at cabdrivers in English wastes your time and theirs.
John Gotti always has the right of way.
Avoid paperwork for your next of kin by keeping dental records on you.
Dont lick food from a strangers beard.
Its bad manners to lie down inside someone elses chalk body outline.
Cabs driving on the sidewalk are not permitted to pick up passengers.
If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.
If it doesnt smell like chili, it probably isnt.

BREAKFAST
1/2 Grapefruit
1 piece whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

LUNCH
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed zucchini
1 Oreo cookie
Herb tea

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
Rest of the package of Oreo cookies
1 quart of Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar Hot Fudge

DINNER
2 loaves Garlic Bread
Large Mushroom and Pepperoni Pizza
Large Pitcher Beer
3 Milky Ways
Entire frozen cheesecake, eaten directly from freezer

Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?

A: Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say Not bad, but I couldve done better.

Q: Why does a blonde always fail her road test? A: Because every time the car stops, she jumps in the backseat!

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee.



The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.



She asked, Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?



Her grandson replied, You know grandma, its like on TV, The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.

Did you hear in the news that a 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland?

The Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies

How did the dairy queen get pregnant? The burger king showed her his whopper!!!