When your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the cookie monster song (C is for cookie, thats good enough for me…).
You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% on the final to pass than you have actually spent studying.
When you are swamped with homework and spend your time making up a list like this.
When you start showering after class rather than before.
The test papers are no longer worthy of the fridge door.
When the campus drunk tells you you should study more.
When your favorite paperweight says Bud Light.
Visions of the upcoming weekend help you to make it through Monday.
When your absence exceeds your attendance.
When your study schedule is based on the rationale that you might actually die before the test!
Describe your problem:
Now, describe the problem accurately:
Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
Problem Severity:
Minor
Minor
Minor
Trivial
Nature of the problem:
Locked Up
Frozen
Hung
Shot
Is your computer plugged in?
Yes
No
Is it turned on?
Yes
No
Have you tried to fix it yourself?
Yes
No
Have you made it worse?
Yes
Have you read the manual?
Yes
No
Are you sure youve read the manual?
Yes
No
Are you absolutely certain youve read the manual?
No
Do you think you understood it?
Yes
No
If Yes then why cant you fix the problem yourself?
What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
occurred?
If nothing explain why you were logged in.
Are you sure you arent imagining the problem?
Yes
No
Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem?
Yes
No
Cant you do something else, instead of bothering me?
Yes
SBF( single, black, female) Seeks Male companionship. Age and ethnicity unimportant. Im a young, svelte, good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting/camping/fishing trips. I love cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. Ill be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and Im yours.Call 555-2525 and ask for Daisy.The phone number was that of the Humane Society, and Daisy was an eight week old black Labrador retriever. They received 643 calls in two days.
A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blonde guy turns to the girl and angrily says Alright. Whos the other father!
While the U.S. stock market was at an all time high, the ups and downs frightened a lot of small investors.
A guy went to his financial adviser at the bank and ask if he were worried.
He replied that he slept like a baby.
He was amazed and asked, Really? Even with all the fluctuations?
He said Yes, thats right. Just like a baby…I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours!
Why does a blond dog have lumps on his head? From chasing parked cars!
One night a torrential downpour soaked South Louisiana. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there.  Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodaux, waiting for help to come.  Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all the way back to the house. It kept floating out, then back, out and back. Â
Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house and then back again?  Mrs. Boudreaux said, Oh yes, thats my husband. I told him he was going to cut the grass today, come Hell or High Water!!
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
Youve ever hit a deer with your car…deliberately.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
What do you call a blond with a brain? A golden retriever.
Manolo y Venancio se ganan dos lechones en una rifa y esto les crea un conflicto:
¿Cómo vamos a diferenciarlos?, pregunta Venancio.
Simple, tú le cortas el rabo al tuyo y ya.
Hecho lo anterior, meten a los cochinillos en el corral, pero éstos se pelean, y ambos se quedan sin rabo.
Bueno, córtale un pedazo de oreja al tuyo, sugiere Manolo.
Aquel se la corta y al meterlo al corral, nuevamente se pelean y el par de cerditos se queda sin un pedazo de oreja.
Harto de lo sucedido, Venancio recomienda:
Mira, para no confundirnos, el tuyo es el blanco y el mÃo es el negro.