Notice in a dry cleaners window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
With the exception of victimless crimes (which need not concern us here), every single crime committed in this nation of ours involves a victim.
A purple ladys bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently.
Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from parent-teacher groups to support the governors task force on driving while intoxicated.
He hasnt even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated.
Montreal police dont hesitate to use whatever laws, regulations or persuasion they feel they need to control morality in the city and prevent it from getting a foothold.
A college friendship that began a year ago ended in matrimony yesterday.
Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet Ms. Right.
You think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.
You clean your car or truck out with a leaf blower.
Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.
You have a set of 16 matching salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
You have to call the police more than once a week to remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.
Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.
The one what hangs round over yonder, backah Bubbas barn…
Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
Your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
You clean your nails with a stick.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
After the divorce you still call your Ex Cuz.
You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.
Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts.
You think a computer hacker carries an axe.
You keep a chainsaw in the trunk just in case.
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
Your babys favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the yard.
Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.