Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod it, were all gonna die anyway.
31
Dec
31
Dec
Q: How many Contras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he needs one Iranian, one Israeli, four Canadians, and Arab, twenty Swiss, and Afghan, and Oliver North to help him.
Note: Topical to the 1987 Iran/Contra hearings.
31
Dec
Q: How many Asians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to go to the cash & carry.
31
Dec
Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One: of course. Two to do it, and -1 to renormalise the wave-function. (Explanation – Renormalising the wave function is something that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer being infinity and makes the answer always come out as one.)
31
Dec
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest about the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.
31
Dec
Q: How many [cricket] Test Match Special commentators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, one to eat the lovely chocolate cake sent in by the Bournemouth Womens Institute, one to say Now when was the last time we had to change a light bulb on-air – wasnt it 1989 at Lords ? and one to comment on the lovely red bus going down the Oxford Road.
31
Dec
Q: How many British trades unionists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They cannot interfere with the lightbulbs inalienable right to withdraw its labour.
31
Dec
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but shes not available. Shes the only programmer we have who can get the [insert name here] software ready to ship to customers, and thats higher priority, you know.
31
Dec
Q: How many boarding school students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they have their parents do it for them.
31
Dec
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven–one to supervise, one to arrange for the electricity to be shut off, one to make sure that safety and quality standards are maintained, one to monitor compliance with local, state, and federal regulations, one to manage personnel relations, one to fill out the paperwork and one to screw the light bulb into the water faucet.