A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD.
The drunk promptly fainted.
The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded Ive always wanted to do that.
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding.
The officer asked, Can you describe the person who did this to you?
The Irishman replied, Thats what I was doing when he hit me.
HEADLINE: A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.
While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.
A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, What do you think youre doing?
After a moment the man replied, … Well, Ive always wanted to strike a happy medium.
A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.
But it also lit up her arm, too!
Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.
A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.
When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm.
Texas virus: Makes sure that its bigger than any other file.
At the time of writing, Microsofts slogan for Windows 95 was Where do you want to go today? These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.
12. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!
IBM: Institute of Black Magic
IBM: I Buy Mainframes
At the time of writing, Microsofts slogan for Windows 95 was Where do you want to go today? These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.
14. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [A]solutely [O]f Course!