A college professor was starting the new year with a lesson on observation. He walked into his class room holding a clear glass filled with a yellow liquid. He said, This is a glass of urine, all of his students had disgusted looks on their faces.Observe what I do and as I pass the glass around, do what I did. He stuck in his finger, pulled it out and put it in his mouth. All the students looked horrified. But, one by one, they each stuck in their finger and licked it. After everyone was finished, the proffesor said, If you had observed closely, i put in my index finger and licked my middle finger.
31
Dec
31
Dec
A teacher asked one of her pupils, Whats the nations capital?
The reply was, Washington DC
On being asked what the DC stood for, the pupil added, Dot com!
31
Dec
Bill Gates dies and is up at the pearly gates.
St Peter: Well, youve got a choice. Have a look around here. Pop down to Hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check us out, and then let me know your decision.
Bill has a look around heaven. Lotss of somber people singing hymns, praising the Lord .
He goes down to Hell. There are beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, attractive women . Long cool drinks that never get you drunk. He loves it. He goes back to St Peter.
Gates: Look, I know youre really doing good things here, but Hell seems more with it. More my kind of scene, you know what I mean? No hard feelings, but I pick Hell.
St Peter: No worries. Youve got it.
Bill finds himself back in Hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. He cant figure it out.
Gates: Hey! St Peter! Where are the beautiful girls and long beaches and cool drinks?
St Peter: Sorry if you got confused, That was just the beta version
31
Dec
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public Youd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut – you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spiders home
And a virus was the flue!
I guess Ill stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head I hear nobodys been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
31
Dec
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
OK, follow me, he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
Now, do you see that tree over there? he asked.
YES, YES, YES!! the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
Good! said the first bat, Because I fucking didnt!
31
Dec
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Sarah!
Sarah who?
Sarah doctor in the house?
31
Dec
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Dali!
Dali who?
Dalive me alone!
31
Dec
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Yoga!
Yoga who?
Yoga what it takes!
31
Dec
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ringo!
Ringo who?
Ringo round the roses!
31
Dec
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Zookeeper!
Zookeeper who?
Zookeeper away from me!