A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo-of handcuffs.
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According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority.
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1. They speak only the Greek language.
2. They usually have long threatening names such as Bonferonni, Tchebycheff, Schatzoff, Hotelling, and Godambe. Where are the statisticians with names such as Smith, Brown, or Johnson?
3. They are fond of all snakes and typically own as a pet a large South American snake called an ANOCOVA.
4. For perverse reasons, rather than view a matrix right side up they prefer to invert it.
5. Rather than moonlighting by holding Amway parties they earn a few extra bucks by holding pocket-protector parties.
6. They are frequently seen in their back yards on clear nights gazing through powerful amateur telescopes looking for distant star constellations called ANOVAs.
7. They are 99% confident that sleep can not be induced in an introductory statistics class by lecturing on z-scores.
8. Their idea of a scenic and exotic trip is traveling three standard deviations above the mean in a normal distribution.
9. They manifest many psychological disorders because as young statisticians many of their statistical hypotheses were rejected.
10. They express a deap-seated fear that society will someday construct tests that will enable everyone to make the same score. Without variation or individual differences the field of statistics has no real function and a statistician becomes a penniless ward of the state.
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Psst, cmere, said the shifty-eyed man wearing a long black trenchcoat, as he beckoned me off the rainy street into a damp dark alley. I followed.
What are you selling? I asked.
Geometrical algebra drugs.
Huh!?
Geometry drugs. Ya got your uppers, your downers, your sidewaysers, your inside-outers…
Stop right there, I interrupted. Ive never heard of inside-outers.
Oh, man, youll love em. Makes you feel like M.C. ever-lovin Escher on a particularly weird day.
Go on…
OK, your inside-outers, your arbitrary bilinear mappers, and here, heh, here are the best ones, he said, pulling out a large clear bottle of orange pills.
What are those, then? I asked.
Givens transformers. Theyll rotate you about more planes than you even knew existed.
Sounds gross. What about those bilinear mappers?
Theres a whole variety of them. Heres one youll love — they call it One Over Z on the street. Take one of these little bad boys and youll be on speaking terms with the Point at Infinity.
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Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
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Theorem: log(-1) = 0
Proof:
a. log[(-1)^2] = 2 * log(-1)
On the other hand:
b. log[(-1)^2] = log(1) = 0
Combining a) and b) gives:
2* log(-1) = 0
Divide both sides by 2:
log(-1) = 0
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Q: How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another?
A: Check the p-value.
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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
105. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, Okay, your turn.
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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
140. Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.
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Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that
seems most correct (True or False) and mark an X (just
like you sign your name) under the appropriate heading on
the right side.
TRUE FALSE
1. A clitoris is a type of flower. |______|______|
2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. |______|______|
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. |______|______|
4. Vagina is a medical term used to | | |
describe heart trouble. |______|______|
5. Menstrual cycle has three (3) wheels. |______|______|
6. A G-string is part of a violin. |______|______|
7. Semen is another word for sailor. |______|______|
8. Anus is the Latin word for yearly. |______|______|
9. Testicles are found on an octopus. |______|______|
10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles. |______|______|
11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. |______|______|
12. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas. |______|______|
13. Coitus is a musical instrument. |______|______|
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. |______|______|
15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. |______|______|
16. A condom is an apartment complex. |______|______|
17. An organism is the person who accompanies | | |
the choir in church |______|______|
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. |______|______|
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. |______|______|
20. An erection is when the Japanese vote | | |
for their new government officials. |______|______|
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. |______|______|
22. Sodomy is a special kind of fast-growing grass. |______|______|
23. Pornography is the business of making record | | |
albums. |______|______|
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins. |______|______|
25. Douche is the Italian word for twelve |______|______|
26. An enema is someone who is not your friend. |______|______|
27. Ovaries are a French egg dish made with cheese. |______|______|