Old and New Jokes

The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house.

He come house.

I watch.

He and she leave house.

I follow.

He and she get on train.

I follow.

He and she go in hotel.

I climb tree-look in window.

He kiss she.

She kiss he.

He strip she.

She strip he.

He play with she.

She play with he.

I play with me.

fall out of tree, not see.

……NO FEE

When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.

Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.

The ensigns efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.

He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules — Make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way.

Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.

Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

The 5 Ps : Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crews foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation.

Thinking quickly the supervisor radios back and says, Dont worry, well send some shovels…… just lean on each other until they arrive.

If Murphys Law can go wrong, it will.