Old and New Jokes

Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion.

In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet.

The copier is out of order!
Yes, we have called the service man.
Yes, he will be in today.
No, we cannot fix it.
No, we do not know how long it will take.
No, we do not know what caused it.
No, we do not know who broke it.
Yes, we are keeping it.
No, we do not know what you are going to do now.

Thank You

If idiots could fly, this world would be an airport.

The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, Whats this?, you realize you just dropped the companys deposit in a mailbox.

A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This ones your turn. Your boss was standing behind you. Its his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneek in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.

You return from a weeks vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a sick day. The next morning the boss asks you, So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?.

You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. Your underwear is missing. Youre in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Whats a lightbulb?

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize hed lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes, he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. Here, she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. I found them in the hallway.

Now, she said, if only I could find my parakeet.