Last Name: ________________ First Name (select one):
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-JackAge: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) Un-employed

Spouses Name: __________________________Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___Number that are yours: ___

Mothers Name: _______________________Fathers Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

__ Total number of vehicles you own
__ Number of vehicles that still crank
__ Number of vehicles in front yard
__ Number of vehicles in back yard
__ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shedModel and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun___ Number of times youve seen a UFO

___ Number of times youve seen Elvis

___ Number of times youve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/ABrand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)dont know

My mom gave me this dollar. Oh boy!
Then my friend offered me two quarters for it. Two for one. My friend sure is an idiot.

Men have many faults,

Women only two.

Everything the say,

and everything they do.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister,When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, Ill contact you to drive out after me and haul it home. The brunette arrives at the mans ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that Ive bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home. The telegraph operator explains that hell be glad to help her, then adds, Its just 99 cents a word. Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that shell only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, I want you to send her the word, comfortable. The telegraph operator shakes his head. How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, comfortable?" The brunette explains, My sisters blonde. Shell read it slow.

Joke found on http://www.doorseva.com

A womans husband had been slipping in and out of acoma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to,he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what?You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there tosupport me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you werestill by my side… You know what?"

"What dear?" She asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied, That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!

A blonde and a brunette are taking a walk, and the burnette goes, Oh look, a dead bird, and the blonde looks up at the sky and goes, Where?

A fellow has a week off from work and decides to play a round of golf every day.

First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, in fact, shes very attractive. Hes interested and suggests that they play the rest of the round together.

She agrees and a very close match ensues. She turns out also to be a very talented golfer and she wins their little competition on the last hole. He congratulates her in the parking lot, then offers to give her a lift when he sees she doesnt have a car. All in all its been a highly enjoyable morning.

On the way to her place, she thanks him for the mornings company and competition and says she hasnt enjoyed herself so much on the course for a long time. He pulls up to her house, they kiss and she shows him her appreciation…

The next morning he spies her at the first tee and suggests they play together again. Hes actually quite competitive and slightly peeved that she beat him the previous day. Again they have a magnificent day, enjoying each others company and playing a tight competitive round of golf.

Again she beats him at the last hole, again he drives her home and again she shows her appreciation.

This goes on all week, with her beating him narrowly every day. This is a sore point for his male ego but, nevertheless, in the car home from their Friday afternoon round, he tells her that he has had such a fine week that he has a surprise planned: dinner for two at a fancy candle-lit restaurant followed by a night of passion in the penthouse apartment of a city hotel. Surprisingly, she bursts into tears and says she cant agree to this. He cant figure out what the fuss is about but eventually she admits the reason.

You see, she tearfully sobs, Im a transvestite.

He is aghast. He swerves violently off the road, pulls the car to a screeching halt and curses madly, overcome with emotion.

Im sorry, she repeats.

You bastard, he screams, red in the face, You cheating bastard. Youve been playing off the womens tees all week!!

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip. So the next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:



Sip the vodka, dont gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, dont say he was stoned off his ass.

We do not refer to the cross as the big T!

When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, Take this and eat it, for it is my body, he did not say ,Eat me.

The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the Mary with the cherry.

The reccomended grace before a meal is not:Rub-Adub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God.

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peters, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffys.

This old lady walks into the Doctors office and says, Doctor, please help me. I have a terrible problem with farting. Its not really a social problem, because you cant smell it or hear it, but I must have farted 20 times since talking to you.

The Doctor nods his head and says, Take this bottle of pills and use them all. When they are all gone in about 2 weeks, come back to see me.

The old lady comes back 2 weeks later and is angry. She says What was in those pills? I fart just as much. You still cant hear them, but now they smell horrible!

The Doctor again nods his head and says, Great, that takes care of your sinus problem, now lets work on your hearing.