Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if they lived by the bay, they would be called baygulls!

(baygull-bagel. ha ha ha.)

A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at it for three days straight.

The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else. When his bride woke up, he said, Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?

His bride replied, You show me one more trick with that thing and Im going home to mother!

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days — “Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then on the third day, skip.”
So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day. The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, “How is your diet?” She said, “Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me tired.”

Yankee Poodle!

And then theres little Johnny who one night woke up to go the bathroom and passed by his parents door.

Noticing that the door was open a bit, he walked in only to see his mother performing oral sex on his dad.

Upon seeing this, little Johnny walks out and exclaims – Hah!, they got nerve…they sent ME to the doctor for sucking my thumb!

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesnt get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrots neck.A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the fathers collar, wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught you at it, too."

1. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and youre barefoot.
2. The porn video you bring home is Debby Does Dialysis.
3. Your sweetie says, Lets go upstairs and make love, and you answer, Honey, I cant do both!
4. A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
5. Getting a little action means I dont need to take any fiber today.
6. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
7. You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

You might be a redneck if you study for a blood test.

Ymight be a redneck, if you clean your toilet by peein on the stains!

Al Gore and George W. Bush go to a resteraunt to try to patch things up after the election. Theyre about to order when Tipper says to Dubya, What are you having?

Bush replies, I wouldnt mind a quickie.

Mrs. Gore is outraged and says, You rude man! Who do you think you are, Bill Clinton?

Al leans over to Dubya and says, George, I think its actually pronounced quiche.