A policeman pulled a blonde over after shed been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad, cause all the people were leaving!

A mother was teaching her 3 year old daughter the Lords Prayer.

For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo.

The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end.

Lead us not into temptation she prayed, but deliver us some E-mail. Amen.

There were three men. Joe, Rich, and Scott.

They were all camping in the woods, and they knew they had to stop for

the

night. Joe suggested they stop where they were right there, a nice

clear,

wooded area. Rich agreed, but Scott disagreed, because there was nothing

interesting around, only trees.

They kept hiking for a little longer, and came across a small clear area,

right next to the highway. Both Joe and Rich wanted to saty there because

there was no stumps, or moss around, and the sounds of the cars could

help

to put them asleep. Scott said no, because he found a small ant farm 500

meters away, and was scared the ants might come, and get them.

SO they kept hiking, and finally, they came to the end of the woods, and

stepped onto the highway. Scott was mystified, and wanted to sleep right

smack dab in the middle of the highway. It was interesting, and he wanted

to look at all the different liscence plates, as they drove by. Joe and

Rich were so upset, because, obviously, that was the LAST place that they

wanted to sleep in! But, they were too tired to argue, so they set up

their tent in the middle of the highway and went to sleep.

They slept soundly through the night, but were awaked a couple of times

by

the sound of cars beeping, and crashing. The next morning, they awoke

early, and noticed a huge pileup of cars right off the highway, in the

spot they had earlier chosen. Feeling proud, Scott said:

See, guys? Imagine what would of happened if we slept there last night!

A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.Mama, he asked, Are these my brains?Mama answered, Not yet.

A bologna sandwich walks into a bar, sits down, and starts to order a drink. The bartender looks at him funny and says Get out of here. We dont serve food in here!

Q – What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs propped up against a wall?

A – Eileen

Your birth announcements included the words rug rat.

Your car alarm eats dog food.

Your car burns more oil than gas.

Your horse can count higher than you.

Your idea of cleaning is throwing everything in the back yard.

Your property has ever been mistaken for a recycling center.

Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.

Youve ever hit a deer with your car… deliberately.

You view duct tape as a long-term investment.

Youve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

Youve ever lost your wife in a poker game.

You bought a VCR to record Rasslin while youre at work.

Red Man chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

Youve ever stolen a bulldozer.

You made a hot tub with a trolling motor.

How was wire invented?

Two lawyers pulling on a penny.

Kermits undivided attention

Three guys die and go to heaven. Guy #1 goes up to St. Peter, who says, I have
only one question before you go into heaven, were you faithful to your wife?

Guy #1 answers, Yes, I never even looked at another woman.

St. Peter says, See that Rolls Royce over there, its yours to drive while
youre in heaven.

Guy #2 gets the same question and answers, Once I strayed, but I told my wife
about it and she forgave me.

St. Peter says, See that new Buick over there, its yours to drive while youre
here in heaven.

Guy #3 answers the same question, Ill have to admit, Ive chased every girl I
saw, and had sex with most of them.

St. Peter says, Okay, but you were a very good person in all other respects, so
that old VW Bug over there is yours to drive while youre here in heaven.

The three guys then went their separate ways.

A few weeks later, guys #2 and #3 were driving along when they see guy #1s
Rolls Royce parked outside of a bar. They stop and go inside and find guy #1
with empty bottles all around him, his face down in his hands on the table.

Guy #2 asks him, What could possibly be wrong, you got to heaven, youre
driving a Rolls Royce, and everythings great.

Guy #1 says, I saw my wife today.

Guy #3 says, Thats great! So, whats the problem?

Guy #1 answers, She was on roller skates!

You might be a redneck if you think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night!