Q.Why is there only one Yogi Bear?

A. Because when they tried to make another one, they made a Boo-Boo.

Why its better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriends clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. Weve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We dont look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies … (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks were gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WERE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. Its possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We dont have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If were dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We dont have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, were aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends wont think were weird if we ask whether theres spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. Well never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

What is the difference between a BMW & a porcupine? The pricks are on the inside.

A: Thanks for the refill.

Whats Beethoven doing now that hes dead?

Hes de-composing.

A plane was once flying over an island when the passengers heard the pilots voice: “Ladies & Gentlemen, if you look on the right side of the plane, youll see an engine on fire. If you look on the left side, youll see a wing on fire. And if you look down, youll see me and my co-pilot in parachutes, waving at you. This is a recording.”

This guy comes home from work and when he walks into his bedroom, he finds his wife in bed with 3 other men that he works with.

He says hello hello hello

And the wife says what, arent you talking to me!

You might be a redneck if you believe All-Star Wrestling!

12% Monday

23% Tuesday

40% Wednesday

20% Thursday

5% Friday

You know you are addicted to your Italian roots when…

You pay the paperboy with LIRA
You answer your neighbors by grunting and saying, No speaka Engleesh!
You tell people that Raffaele, Michelangelo and Donatello of Ninja Turtle fame are your first cousins.
You start calling your wife Gina and tell her youll be happy to pay for breast enlargements.
You carry Italian road maps in your glove compartment
You can recite the name of every province in Italy in 2 minutes (and you can spell them in 4 minutes).
You get arrested at the Mall after the police dont accept your explanation that Italians are overcome by a natural urge to pinch buttocks after 22 women identity you
You leave work at 10 AM because its quitting time in Rome.
You call WPIX-TV in NYC to ask why the Yankee announcers ARE speaking English
You spray paint over the chrome Buick emblem on your automobile and write FIAT in 12 inch letters
You are arrested for fighting after punching a fellow Italian who told you that in WWII he stopped an advancing Italian tank by shooting the Italian pushing it.
You are fined for adding the word Via to 51 streets signs in your neighborhood
You write to Rome to complain about proposed state tax legislation in Iowa.
The priest asks you to find another church after you pass out 500 bumper stickers during mass which read, Italians Make Better Lovers