Old and New Jokes

a girl was sitting on a bench at school when some boys came over and told her they would give her $5 if she climbed a tree[she is wearing a dress] she said ok so when she got home she told her mom that some boys paid her $5 to climb atree her mom then says they just want to see your underwear this happens again only they pay her $10 instead of $5 it hapens two more times only it is $15 then $20 so the next day they say they will pay her $25 so she climbs the tree the boys all go WWHHOOAAAA! and they drop $35 instead of$25 she teels her mom and her mom goes they just want to see your underwear she says but they could not have seen my underwear i was not wearing any underwear

Un cura tuvo que pasar la noche en un hotel. Después de estar un rato en su habitación, habló a la recepción y le pidió a la muchacha del guardarropa que subiera a cenar con él. Cuando estaban cenando, el cura empezó a hacerle insinuaciones a la muchacha, hasta que ella lo detuvo y le recordó que era un sacerdote.

No hay problema, dijo él, está escrito en la Biblia.

Después de una noche de sexo apasionado, la chica del guardarropa le preguntó dónde decía en la Biblia que estaba bien tener sexo de esa manera.

El cura tomó la Biblia que estaba sobre la mesa, y la abrió en la primera página donde alguien había escrito a lápiz:

La chica del guardarropa es una putilla.

Q: What do women and airplanes have in common?

A: A cockpit!

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speaches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

Well he explained By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen.

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself Ill go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.

When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. Well he explained By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen.

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself Ill go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.

When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. Well he explained, by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying –


Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure…….

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Joan!
Joan who!
Joan call us well call you!

Theorem: e=1
Proof:
2*e = f
2^(2*pi*i)e^(2*pi*i) = f^(2*pi*i)
e^(2*pi*i) = 1

Therefore:
2^(2*pi*i) = f^(2*pi*i)
2=f
Thus:
e=1

If you would lift me, you must be on higher ground.

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.