A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, Buk Buk BUK. The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them…and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.



Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say, Buk Buk BuKKOOK! The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.



The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook! The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.



She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit…

One Sunday morning John stepped out onto the porch in his bathrobe to pick up his newspaper. He noticed a snail on the paper, so he picked it up and flung it across the front lawn onto the sidewalk.

On another Sunday morning, about two years later, John was out on the porch again to pick up his paper, when he noticed a snail on the paper. It was the same snail.

Bill looked at the snail. The snail looked at Bill.

Then the snail said: Now, was that REALLY necessary?!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Galway!
Galway who!
Galway, your annoying me!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

146. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests, tell him/her that its all for charity.

An engineering student was walking on campus one day when another engineering student rode up on a shiny new bicycle.

Where did you get such a nice bike? asked the first.

The second engineer replied Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said Take what you want!

The second engineer nodded approvingly, Good choice, the clothes probably wouldnt have fit.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and Im not sure about the universe. — Albert Einstein

IF DR SEUSS WROTE AN EPISODE OF ER – –

Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ERs great,

But. . . there are problems that cant wait!

Now Bentons fine, and Carter too,

But Ross and Susan just wont do!

Now who do you think that we should hire,

Since both of them today Ill fire?

Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see. . .

Kerry: Thats great Mark! I knew you would agree. . .

Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt. . .

But the paramedics just pulled up.

Mark: Ok, Im here. What have you got?

Shep: This little boy has just been shot!

His pulse is faint, his breath is weak.

We did all we could to stop the leak.

Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip. . .

Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip?

Shep: The kids mom was getting in my hair,

So I shoved her–lightly–down some stairs.

Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three!

Doug and Susan! Come with me!

Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh dont you see?

Weve got some more; one, two, and three.

Kerry: Youve got three more? How can this be?

Explain it, tell it all to me!

Riley: Well, Shep was driving. Really fast.

A light turned red. Shep hit the gas.

We hit a car, it hit two more.

Soon the total rose by four.

Another bang! Another crash!

But we couldnt stay, we had to dash!

We grabbed these three but I am sure,

The injured totaled sixty score!

Carter: These people really are a mess!

Their injuries I cannot guess!

It makes me sick, my knees are weak,

A toilet I must soon go seek. . .

Benton: Its ok Carter! Stay on your toes!

It doesnt get worse than this you know!

To Trauma four lets take these three.

You can do it, come with me!

Green: Ok, lets get this boy on the table.

To save his life if we are able!

Haleh: Dr. Green! This boy is cyanotic!

I cant find a pulse. . . oh, wait Ive got it!

But it is weak! Oh, woe is us!

Doug: Give him saline! IV push!

CBC, chem 7, stat!

We will save him, bet on that!

Oh no, hes showing poor perfusion!

Lydia, start a blood transfusion!

Lydia: But Dr. Ross, I hate to say.

The blood bank didnt come today!

Were out of blood, I cant believe!

Doug: Here, use mine! (rolls up his sleeve)

Kerry: We need some help! Theres been a crash!

Someones heart stopped with a flash!

But Dr. Benton saved the day,

And Carters going to be ok.

Susan: What can I do, where can I go?

Im not incompetent you know!

I deserve a chance and with good reason,

I only killed one guy last season!

Mark: Its fine! Its done, the kids ok.

Were sending him up on his way.

To surgery hes off to go,

They must sew up that bullet hole.

But Dr. Ross, hes out of sorts. . .

We had to take a dozen quarts.

Benton: Ok, were done. I did it all.

I used a double breasted suture saw.

I closed them up, I fixed their ills.

I patched their wounds, I gave them pills.

I have their livers in this sack.

I did it all, behind my back.

I need more patients, give me more!

I just cured three, now give me four!

Carter: What happened? Did I miss it all?

I saw some blood. I took a fall.

But it doesnt matter, we saved the day!

Carol: Get ready! Theres more on the way!

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, Im so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died." The man was very upset and yelled, You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldnt come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away. The brother thought about it and apologized. "So hows Mom?" asked the man."Shes on the roof and wont come down."

Yo mama is so stupid she thought PMS was a telephone company.