Two Surds were flying to….

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Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Two Surds were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes
into the flight, the Captain announces, One of the engines has failed
and the flight will be an hour longer. But dont worry, we have three
engines left.
Thirty minutes later, the Captain announces, One more engine has
failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But dont worry, we have
two engines left.
An hour later, the Captain announces, One more engine has failed
and the flight will be three hours longer. But dont worry, we have one
engine left.
One Surdarji looked at the other and said, If we lose one more
engine, well be up here all day!

The seal

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Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

A seal thought he would take a break from the beach, and decided to go for a drive. He was happily driving along the highway, slurping on his ice-cream when suddenly his car broke down. He called out a mechanic, who spent a few minutes examining the car. He said, It looks like youve blown a seal. The seal replied, No, its just ice-cream.

You Might Be A Redneck

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Poza publicata in [ Redneck ]

You might be a redneck if you steal bank canisters and use them as food containers!

Batchelor party pranks (part 2) Thank you all who contribute to this party pranks series, as i told you, i cant pos all the ideas as i lost a file, but here you have:

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Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

This poor guy received a slight variation of the tatoo treatment, we painted a treasure map in his stomach with genciana violet (a purple dye that last about a week).

But just when you think it was safe, I put in his lugagge, 5 POUNDS OF RICE! (witout a bag, gee, i forgot the bag) and a note: Sorry i couldnt toss this rice at you at the church!

I wish I could have been there when he had opened his suitcase, and imagine the explanation to the hotel maid about all that rice on the floor of the room!

Also check the Part 1

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times

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Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times

Included Late Night humor

A failing Mexican economy is expected to have a dramatic impact on the United States. All of our big companies may have to move back.

OJ UPDATE: In light of damaging testimony given by Ron Shipp, Simpsons Dream Team will now be referred to as the Dream Interpretation Team. Shipp added that his cousin Johnnie Cochrans dream finally came true. Robert Shapiro finally sat down and shut up.

Defense lawers referred to OJ as the embodiment of the American Dream. Of coarse, theyve also referred to sulferic acid as Americas Favorite Thirst Quencher.

Theyre going to re-release OJs movie and re-name it Naked Gun 33 1/3 to Life. The Fox movie about OJ wasnt very up to date. It had him saying he was inside the house sleeping when the crime was comitted. Where have they been? That was like two alibis ago.

And finally, in other news – Astronomers are overwhelmed by massive amounts of information obtained from the Hubble Space Telescope. Even with all this new data, they still cant pronounce Uranus in public without giggling.

PS – for the person who caught my faux-pas (18th amendment vs 21st) fortunately, I dont author these things I just share em with the net (with some minor editing), but unfortunately I dont research them either… OOPS!

Buh-bye!!!

Top 10 alternative things to do with children

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Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Every parent occasionally has a disagreement with their kids. There is a brief moment when you consider the options…

Doorstops
Boat anchors
Speed bumps
Target practice
Decoys
Pitbull snacks
Elevator counterweights
Shark bait
Crash dummies

And the Number One alternative thing to do with children…

Organ donor

The Hobos Christmas

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Poza publicata in [ Seasonal / Holiday ]

Q: What did the hobo get for Christmas?

A: NOTHING!

Nun shall pass

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Poza publicata in [ Foul Language ]

Two nuns were driving along the road, and see a man exposing himself. Holy
Mother of God! exclaimed the Mother Superior. Sister! Show him your cross!
So the other nun winds down the window, leans out and shouts Fuck Off!

Sun Downer

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Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Santa: “Yaar, where does the Sun go at night?”

Banta : “It does not go anywhere. It remains there but due to darkness we can’t see it.”

You celebrate Groundhog Day because

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Poza publicata in [ Redneck ]

You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.

Youve been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.