Estaban en una disco un hombre y una mujer conversando; el hombre en evidente afán de conquistar a la mujer. Luego que la charla se hiciera más intima y comenzaran a besarse el hombre le dice:

¿Sabías que puedo hacer el amor 20 veces en una misma noche?

La muchacha abre los ojos bien grandes y se le escapa una sonrisa, entonces le contesta:

Si es cierto, ¿qué estamos haciendo aquí? Vamos ahora a tu departamento.

Llegados al departamento comienzan a desvestirse pero el hombre le dice que más allá de la intimidad le gusta mantener la luz apagada. La chica accede y comienza una larga noche, pasaron una, dos, tres horas y de curiosidad prende de golpe la luz encontrándose con otro hombre. Entonces le pregunta:

Y el dueño del departamento ¿donde está?

¡Afuera, cobrando entrada!

A guy goes into the doctors office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear. The man says, Doc, this is terrible. Whats wrong with me? The doctor says, Well, first of all, youre not eating right

Q: Why did cavemen drag their women back to the cave by the hair?

A: If they dragged them by the ankles, they would fill up with dirt!

One day a bear was in a forest you know were bears hang out and he saw a rabbit he was hungry so he decided to chase it mean while a genie was chillin and saw the bear chaseing the rabbit and it was getting kinda annoying so he thought he would stop by granting them some wishes so he floated over and told them hey if you two knock it off ill grant you both two wishes they siad it was cool so the genie turned to the bear and said your bigger so you can go first and the bear said i wish i had the biggest bear dick in in all of beardom and the genie clapped his and his wish was granted he had the biggest bear dick in all of beardom

so he asked the rabbit want is your wish



he said i want a harley davidson motor cycle



the genie thought this was kinda wierd but he granted it any way it was the bears turn again so the genie said what is you final wish the bear said i want all the bears in the entir world to be female the genie granted his wish. it was the rabbits turn the genie said ok this is your last wish you should really think hard and the rabbit said no no i know what i want genie said well what is it and the rabbit said i want him to be gay and sped away on his motorcycle.

A: To show the armadillo that it was possible.

What do Bill Clinton and a bubble gum have in common?

Monica has blown them both.

They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To
celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.

She said to the bellman, We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.

But, madam!, replied the bellman.

Dont But madam me, she continued. You cant treat us like were a couple of fools just because we dont travel much, and weve never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. Im going to complain to the manager.

Madam, the bellman said, this isnt your room; this is the elevator!

A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa .

One day his wife fed up of this answered : Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap. That ended the husbands witticisms.

A rather similar incident took place in a small village in Sweden.
A volunteer fire brigade team was trying to get down a cat that was
high up in a tree. After the work of several hours they managed to get the
animal down. The owner of the cat – an older lady – was was happy and
promised to serve the brave men a cup of coffee. The chief said,
thanks but well have to go back to the station. They got up in their
fire engines and drove away, running over the cat.

This wizened old man in sitting between two muscled, dark suited mafia types in the back of a big black limo.

The old man starts to lean to his left and the man pushes him back up straight. The old man starts to lean to his right and that man pushes him up straight.

The old man really looks annoyed. Who am I!

One on the men replies. Your *the man*, the godfather, the capo de capo!!

The old man responds. So what I say goes, right?

Yeah, boss, yeah, whatever you say goes.

The old man waves his arms in anger. So why the hell cant I drop a fart when I want to?!