Old and New Jokes

Bill Clinton got off his helicopter in front of the White House with a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said Nice pigs, Sir!



The President replied These are not pigs. They are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea.



The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, Nice trade, Sir!

A husband is whats left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. — Helen Rowland

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally the pro askes her what she wants. I cant find any green golf balls, the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?

Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!

Woods Axiom: As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.

A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

None of the kids that live in your house…

What do you get when you cross a Black with a Japenese?

Someone who on December 7th, gets an uncontrollable urge to attack Pearl
Bailey.

Ok, so this isnt really a knock knock joke but who cares? anyway here it is.

heres a really good tip:

never spit or pee into the wind.

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered.

A newspaper reporter anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

On day there was a boy at school. He needed to go to the toilet. The teacher said Say your ABCs first

The boy started saying A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The teacher asked at the end Where is your P? The boy answered Running down my pants!!