What are the 3 advantages of having a #50 note tattoed on 2 ur penis

1 u can play with ur money



2 u can watch ur money grow



3 ur wife can blow as much money as she wants!

For the man who has everything. . .
A calendar to remind
him when his payments are due.

A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if hes okay. "No, Im not," the guy replies. "I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend." "Well," asks the bartender, "what did you say to your wife?" "Nothing. Im not speaking to that bitch anymore." "Well, what did you say to your best friend?" "BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better computer programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out.

Very well, then, says God, let us see if Jesus fared any better.

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

He stutters, But how?! I lost everything yet Jesus program is intact! How did he do it?

God chuckles, Jesus saves.

Because they irritate the crap out of you!

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper looks surprised and says, You have a drink named Steve?

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, Honey be very careful when you drive the ball-dont knock out any windows. Itll cost us a fortune to fix.

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, I told you to watch out for the houses! Alright lets go up there, apologize, and see how much thats going to cost.

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side on the foyer. A man on the couch said, Are you the people that broke the window?

Uh yeah. Sorry about that, the husband replied. No, actually I want to thank you. Im a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. Youve released me. Im allowed to grant three wishes – Ill give you each one wish, and Ill keep the last one for myself.

OK great! the husband said. I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life. No problem – its the least I could do.

And you, what do you want? the genie said, looking at the wife. I want a house in every country of the world, she said. Consider it done. the genie replied.

And whats your wish genie?, the husband said.

Well, since I have been trapped in that bottle, I havnt had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife.

The husband looks at the wife and said, Well we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I dont care.

The genie took the wife upstairs, and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife and said, How old is your husband, anyway?

35. she replied. And he still believes in genies??? Thats amazing!

Two guys went camping, and after two weeks they thought they needed a break from each other. So they decided to split up for a few days, and meet up back at the campsite.
When they returned, the first guy said, I had the most wonderful time! I hiked for a few miles, and found a beautiful little stream in a valley. There was a little deer, drinking out of the stream. It was wonderful! I spend the whole three days there.

Well, thats okay, said the second guy, but check this out. I followed some train tracks, and found a gorgeous girl, tied to the tracks! I untied her, and we had the most amazing sex, for three days, in every imaginable position!

Wow! said the first guy, envious. Did she give you oral sex?

No, says the second guy. I couldnt find her head.

My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.

Then she told me to take off her skirt. Then she told me never to wear her clothes again.

This was just posted to the newsgroup alt.config and most of the alt.sex newsgroups to propose creation of a new group alt.sex.oral. I think you might find it interesting.

The Greatest Philosopher in the World, maybe the Greatest who ever lived.

There has been some questioning as to why there isnt an alt.sex.oral newsgroup since almost every other sexually related practice has one of its own.

There is quite a bit of interest in this subject, as it has gotten a lot of tongues wagging about it.

It is a subject of very hot debate, and considerable jawing and movement of mouths.

It has been known to raise a significant response in men, and a smaller response in women. Perhaps women are more open to this subject.

It is a subject of considerable interest from many angles, as much as 21 (degrees) reduced from 90.

It is often enjoyed by more than one person, as some people find that the performance of this act is as enjoyable as having it performed upon them, sort of like massages. In fact, it may be of interest to fat people, who like to eat, or swallow things.

Rather than let this go to a head, I propose to expose this meaty situation to alt.config and see if it receives the attention it deserves.

Interest in it is sometimes up and down, as peoples heads have different positions on the issue. Some being higher up than others, or busy and cant discuss it because their mouth is full because they cant talk while theyre eating, or because they are on their knees, in a position to pray for deliverance, I suppose.

Its a subject of a veritable explosion of interest, and has been known to generate strong, penetrating emotions, sometimes watered down or flooded discussions, and lots of controversy from those who support or oppose this issue.

In the absence of serious objection, I plan to create this group next week, e.g. in 7 days.

Those receiving this who cannot read newsgroups may post comments in response to this message by mailing it to the following address:

alt-config@cs.utexas.edu

Thank you for your consideration.