20
Jul

A Lesson in Politics

A son asks his father, What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.

The father thought some and said, OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy.

Lets say that Im a capitalist because Im the breadwinner.

Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?

The little boy said, Well, Dad, I dont know, but Ill think about what you said.

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brothers crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parents bedroom and found his fathers side of the bed empty and his mother wouldnt wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, Dad, I think I understand politics much better now.

Excellent, my boy, he answered, What have you learned?

The little boy thought for a minute and said, I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the futures full of crap.

20
Jul

Bathroom Graffiti

Real bathroom graffiti found all over the place. Wheefun. The best way to a mans heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Womens restroom, Murphys, Champaign, IL Dont trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesnt die.
Mens restroom, Murphys, Champaign, IL Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina. Ive decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts. Remember, its not, How high are you? its Hi, how are you?
Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
Unknown origin. To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
Mens restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona. At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
Bentleys House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona. Its hard to make a comeback when you havent been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona. God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -God
The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C. [Yeah!] If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Unknown origin. A Womans Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testosterone, youre going to have trouble with it.
Womens restroom, Dicks Last Resort. Dallas, Texas. JESUS SAVES! But wouldnt it be better if he had invested?
Mens restroom, American University. Washington, D.C. Express Lane: Five beers or less
Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevics. Pheonix, AZ. Youre too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Womens restroom, Ed Debevics. Beverly Hills, CA. No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Mens restroom, Ed Debevics. Beverly Hills, CA.

20
Jul

Birdie Poem

Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
Im a big girl I wont cry,
Im just glad that cows dont fly.

20
Jul

The Breast Stroke

In Florida there was a swimming contest. The contestants were a

brunette-Mindy, a redhead-Cindy, and a blonde-Sandy.

The second race was the Breast Stroke…the order of finish was:

The brunette came in first, the redhead second,… but wait, where was

the blonde??? She was still racing!

When she got to the finish line…she said THEY CHEATED!!

The Judge said how??

The dumb blonde screamed…THEY USED THEIR ARMS!

20
Jul

Whats for Dinner?

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things. Well, the doctor replied, go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesnt reply move about five feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that well get an idea about the severity of her deafness.

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, Honey, whats for dinner? He hears no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, Honey, whats for dinner? She replies, For the fourth time, vegetable stew!

19
Jul

Q: How many Apple

Q: How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while theyre arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not the function is exponential is not known.

19
Jul

Q. How

19
Jul

Llega el pap de Pepito

Llega el papá de Pepito a la casa y encuentra a la mamá, quien le reprocha que éste había tenido su primera relación sexual.

El papá se lleva a Pepito al cuarto para felicitarlo, lejos de la mamá, y le dice:

Ese es mi tigre, campeón, y ¿cuándo lo haces de nuevo?

Cuando se me mejore el culo, papá.

19
Jul

You Know Youre a Programmer

You Know Youre a Programmer When …

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.



When you are counting objects, you go 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D….



When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.



When your wife says If you dont turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!, and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.



You try to s sleep(8 * 3600);



When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page..



When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number…



When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.



When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.



When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.



When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that youre doing the math in octal.



When you look for a trash can icon for throwing garbage.

19
Jul

A Night at the Asylum

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, I am Napoleon!

Another one said, How do you know?



First inmate answers, Winston Churchill told me!



Just then, a voice from another room shouted, I did NOT!