A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, I sure wish Id gotten to know you sooner!
In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if
they expected to graduate in the top half of their class. Ninety-seven percent
responded that they did.
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, How do these represent Christmas?
Answer… Theyre Carols.
De los 13 a los 18 años está como América Latina:
En pleno desarrollo.
De los 19 a los 25 años está como Ãfrica:
Mitad virgen y mitad explorada.
De los 26 a los 35 años está como Asia:
Ardiente pero misteriosa.
De los 36 a los 45 años está como Europa:
Conservadora pero interesante.
De los 46 a los 55 años está como Estados Unidos:
Pura tecnologÃa.
De los 56 a los 65 años está como China:
Puro cuento.
De los 66 a los 70 años está como Cuba:
Todos saben dónde está pero nadie quiere verla.
De los 71 años en adelante está como Venezuela:
Existe, pero está toda escoñetada.
Este era un lorito muy tirón, y todos los dÃas se cogÃa a los animales de la tienda donde se encontraban, hasta que un dÃa una señora lo decide comprar.
La señora tenÃa una gata, y todos los dÃas al llegar a la casa veÃa a la gata toda exhausta, y decÃa: Ohhhh se han cogido a la gata.
Asà pasó una semana, hasta que tomó al loro y le dijo: ¡Si mañana te coges a la gata te encierro en el refrigerador!
Al dÃa siguiente la gata estaba cogida otra vez y la mujer encerró al loro en el refrigerador. Pasaron tres dias, y se acordó del loro, y cuando abre la puerta del refrigerador ve al loro todo sudado y éste le dice:
¡COÑO, ESE POLLO SI QUE TIENE EL CULO DURO!
It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. Hes a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girls father answers and invites him in.
Carries not ready yet. Why dont you have a seat? Carries father asks Bobby what theyre planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Why dont you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby so he asks Carries dad to please repeat himself.
Yeah, says Carries father, Carrie really likes to screw; shell screw all night if we let her!
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and matching cardigan sweater and announces that shes ready to go. Breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “Dad, its called the Twist!
There were three girls: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. They were running from the cops, when they ran to a farm and hid, the cops closely on their trail.
The brunette hid with the ducks. The redhead hid with the cows. And the blonde hid with potatoes.
The cops looked in the ducks pen and the brunette said, Quack, quack, quack…
The cops then looked into the cows area and the redhead said, Moooooo…
Finally, the cops looked in the the potato patch and the blonde said, Potatoooooo…
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
90. Trash the room when your roommates not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, Uh-oh, it looks like, they, were here again.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, youll be happy. If you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher. — Socrates
This guy is sitting in his living room surfing the channels on the television. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his girlfriend storms through. She screams, You jerk! and she heads into the bedroom. Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, Now what have I done? Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her whats up. She responds with a hiss, My therapist says that I should leave you and that youre a pedophile! The man responds, Wow, youre pretty smart for a 12 year old.