If I want your opinion, Ill ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

How do you stop a skunk from smelling? You hold his nose!

From the Detroit News, June 8, 1988

Dateline: Santa Ana, California.

A man was fined $58 after failing to persuade a judge that the
four frozen corpses in his van qualified him for life in the fast
lane.

Robert Hanshew, 25, of Westminster, who transports cadavers for a
mortuary service, was stopped March 21 for using a freeway car
pool lane reserved for vehicles carrying two people or more.

Jim Harvey
Michigan Bell Telephone

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, Whats this?, you suddenly realize you just dropped the companys deposit in a mailbox and gave her your mail.

As a woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This ones your turn!

Your boss is standing behind you. And its his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out and youre the only coffee drinker there.

You return from a weeks vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a sick day. The next morning the boss asks you, So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?

You wake up hung over.

You have a black eye and barked knuckles.

Your underwear is missing.

Youre in jail.

Last night was the company Christmas party.

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?

A: Reservations.

Q: Why did the mathematicians pen run out of ink?
A: Because he was writing in recursive.

Whats worse than a male chauvinist pig?

A woman that wont do what shes told.

One day an old jewish pole, living in Warsaw, has his last light bulb
burn out. To get a new one hell have to stand in line for two hours
at the store (and theyll probably be out by the time he gets there),
so he goes up to his attic and starts rummaging around for an old oil
lamp he vaguely remembers seeing.

He finds the old brass lamp in the bottom of a trunk that has seen
better days. He starts to polish it and (poof!) a genie appears in
cloud of smoke.

Hoho, Mortal! says the genie, stretching and yawning, For releasing
me I will grant you three wishes.

The old man thinks for a moment, and says, I want Genghis Khan
resurrected. I want him to re-unite his mongol hordes, march to the
Polish border, and then decide he doesnt want the place and march
back home.

No sooner said than done! thunders the genie. Your second wish?

Ok. I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his
mongol hordes, march to the Polish border, and then decide he doesnt
want the place and march back home.

Hmmm. Well, all right. Your third wish?

I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his —

Okokok. Right. Whats this business about Genghis Khan marching to
Poland and turning around again?

The old man smiles. He has to pass through Russia six times.

Henry Cate III

Q. Whats the difference between an elephants fart and a cocktail saloon?

A. Ones a Bar Room and the others a BARRROOOOOOOMMMM!!!!