Knock Knock
Whos there?
Howard!
Howard who?
Howard can it be to guess a Knock Knock

joke?

La mujer está con su amante en la cama y de repente llega el marido a la casa. A toda prisa mete al amante, desnudo, en el armario. Llega el marido al dormitorio y le reclama a su mujer:

¿Y estos pantalones?

Te los regaló tu madre en la pasada Navidad.

¿Mi madre?

¡Claro, como te emborrachaste ya ni te acuerdas!

¿Y esta camisa?

Tu hermana te la regaló en tu cumpleaños.

¿Mi hermana?

¡Sí, como es normal bebiste y ya no te acuerdas!

¿Y esta corbata?

Te la regalé yo por nuestro aniversario de boda, pero, claro, ¡nunca te fijas en las cosas que te regalo!

Si tú lo dices.

En eso, el esposo abre el armario y encuentra al amante que está desnudo. Éste se dirige al cornudo:

¿Tú te has creído todo lo que te ha dicho tu mujer?

Pues sí, responde el marido.

¡Pues venga, cierra la puerta que voy para el cuarto piso!

A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot.



Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system –

Will the gentleman on the ladys tee please move back to the mens tee.

He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again.



The Voice again – Will the Man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?!



He looked back at the starters shack and yelled,

Will the IDIOT on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the ladys tee can hit his second shot!

Two scuba divers surface after a long, deep dive. As their heads pop out of the water, a squad of jets (called Buccaneers in South Africa) flies low above their heads. The one diver puts his hands over his ears and shouts, Its those Buccaneers!!!


To which the other replies, Yeah, mine are hurting too!

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, Get me a beer before it starts!



The wife sighs and gets him a beer.



Ten minutes later, he says, Get me another beer before it starts!



She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, Quick, get me another beer, its going to start any minute!



The wife is furious. She yells at him Is that all youre going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! Youre nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore…



The man sighs and says, Its started…

What do you call an [enthnic] in a limousine?

– A Chauffeur.

The world does not revolve on an axis.

• Constipated People Dont Give A Crap.
• Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
• If You Dont Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
• Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
• If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
• Thank You For Pot Smoking.
• Impotence: Natures Way Of Saying No Hard Feelings.
• If You Can Read This, Ive Lost My Trailer.
• The Earth Is Full – Go Home
• I Have The Body Of A God….Buddha
• This Would Be Really Funny If It Werent Happening To Me
• Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
• If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
• The Face Is Familiar But I Cant Quite Remember My Name
• Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
• Illiterate? Write For Help
• Honk If Anything Falls Off
• He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
• Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
• Its Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
• I Havent Lost My Mind, Its Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
• If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then Youre Doing It Wrong…
• Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
• If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
• Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
• Ax Me About Ebonics
• Boldly Going Nowhere
• Cat: The Other White Meat
• Caution – Driver Legally Blonde!
• Dont Be Sexist – Broads Hate That
• Heart Attacks… Gods Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
• Honk If Youve Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
• How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
• If You Cant Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
• Saw It… Wanted It… Had A Fit… Got It!
• What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit Bull

A lady about eight months pregnant got on to a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the mans smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He now seemed very amused. She moved a fourth time and the man burst out laughing. She complained of this to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man; about 20 years old, what he had to say for himself. Very amusing….. The man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this. When the lady got on the bus I couldnt help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said The Double Mint Twins are coming, and I grinned. Then she moved again and sat under a sign that said Slogans liniment will reduce the Swelling, and I had to smile. Then she moved and placed herself under a sign that said, Wrigleys Big Stick Did the Trick, and I could hardly contain myself. But, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident…I just lost it!

A guy walks into a convienient store and asks Can I get a box of condoms? I have a funeral to go to.