Old and New Jokes

1. The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.

2. Under same management for over 2,000 years.

3. Soul food served here.

4. Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk.

5. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

6. Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!

7. Dont wait for the hearse to take you to church.

8. We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead of the age of rock.

9. Dont give up. Moses was once a basket case!

10. Come early for a good seat in the back.

11. Life has many choices! Eternity has two. Whats yours?

12. Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.

13. A mans character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened by whitewash.

14. K-mart isnt the only saving place!

15. Preach the gospel at all times … Use words only if necessary.

16. Delay is preferable to error.

17. Its hard to stumble when youre on your knees.

18. What part of THOU SHALT NOT dont you understand?

19. A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.

20. The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday!

21. Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive.

22. Cant sleep? Try counting your blessings.

23. Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

24. May is Gods apology for February.

25. To belittle is to be little.

26. Dont let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you.

27. God answers knee mail.

28. Try Jesus. If you dont like Him, the devil will always take you back.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Cher!
Cher who?
Cher and share alike!

23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills.

Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont
understand.

Men never do evil so cheerfully and so completely as when they do so from
religious conviction.
— Blaise Pascal

To get to the other slide.

Lived here all your life? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Not yet.

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, thats Mozarts Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "Theres the Eighth Symphony, and its backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "Theres the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…" Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, theres nothing to worry about. Its just Mozart decomposing."

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?

I sure did, responded his friend. He cant swim.