Why did it take four hours for the blonde to make chocolate chip cookies?
Because it took her 3 hours to peel all those M&Ms.
21
Jul
21
Jul
If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.
21
Jul
George w. Bush is out jogging one morning, and he notices a little boy
on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says,
Whats in the box, kid?
The little boy says, Kittens, theyre brand new kittens.
George W. laughs and says, What kind of kittens are they?
Republicans, the child says.
Oh thats cute, George W. says and runs off.
A couple of days later George is running with his buddy Dick Cheney
and he spots the same boy with his box just ahead.
George W. says to Dick, You gotta check this out, and they both jog
over to the boy with the box.
George W. says, Look in the box, Dick, isnt that cute? Look at those
little kittens. Hey kid, tell my friend Dick here what kind of kittens
they are.
The boy replies, Theyre Democrats.
Whoa! George W. says, I came by here the other day and you said
they were Republicans. Whats up?
Well, the kid says, Their eyes are open now.
21
Jul
The moderator at a ghost busters convention asked the audience, How many of you believe in ghosts?
Almost everyone raises their hand.
How many of you have ever seen a ghost?
About half the audience raises their hand.
How many of you have ever touched a ghost?
About a dozen or so raise their hand.
Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?
One man from India raises his hand.
Youve actually made love to a ghost? Stand up and tell us about it
The man rises and says, Im so vedy soddy. I thought you said goat!
20
Jul
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Thumb!
Thumb who?
Thumb like it hot and thumb like it cold!
20
Jul
You think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season.
You ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy.
The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.
20
Jul
Q: How many Austrailian Royalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but there is only one and she is old and not feeling that well these days so … hurry!
20
Jul
Entra un jorobado a hacer pipà en un baño público y se para junto a otro señor que también se estaba disponiendo a hacer sus necesidades. El giboso se abre la bragueta y saca tremendo miembro, tan grande, que el señor que estaba junto a él exclama:
¡Uy, si yo la tuviera asà de grande me la estarÃa besando todo el dÃa!
¿Y por qué crees que estoy jorobado, pendejo?
20
Jul
You get to park in the handicap zone.
20
Jul
A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?
His father looks up thoughtfully, and then says, Ill display it for you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what youve learned.
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?
His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, Dont tell your dad, but yes, I would.
Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?
His sister looks up and says, Omigod! Definitely!
The kid goes back to his father and says, Dad, I think Ive figured it out. Potentially were sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with a couple of whores.