Q: How can you tell when Barbie has her period? A: Your tic tacs are missing.
25
Jun
25
Jun
A doctor from Canada was having an affair with one of his female co-workers.
One day she announced to him that she was pregnant with his child. The doctor gave her enough money to fly to California and live their until the child was born. He gave her instructions to send him a postcard with the word SAURKRAUT on it when she gave birth.
About nine months later the doctor arrived home when his wife handed him a postcard. Here, she said. This came in the mail today.
The doctor took the postcard and it read… SAURKRAUT SAURKRAUT SAURKRAUT TWO WITH WEINERS & ONE WITHOUT!
24
Jun
How do you know a blonde has a bad day?
shes playing a pencil and she cant find her recorder!
24
Jun
Estaba Don Zabaletta en su estancia de Tucumán, y llama a su empleado:
Rosindo, andá comprame cigarrillos al pueblo…
Pero Rosindo le responde: no jefe, ahà aparece el diablo… cuando esta por cruzar el puente aparece el diablo, asà que yo no voy…
Y don zabaleta le dijo: bueno, prepárame la montura, y me voy yo a comprar los cigarrillos…
Y asi fue. Llegando al famoso puente, del otro lado aparece ¡EL DIABLO! ¡Buuuu, soy el diablo! ¡ahhhhh… buuuuu!.
Pero don zabaleta ni se movÃa, no tenÃa nada de miedo… El diablo seguia ¡buuuuuuuuuuu, vas a morir! Zabaleta estaba quieto…
EL diablo entonces dice por ser el primero en no asustarse, ¡te concedo tres deseos!
Y don zabaleta le dice: bueno, el primero es 100000 dólares, el segundo es que cuando llegue a la estancia esté Claudia Schiffer desnuda en mi cama… y el tercero, es tener el aparato sexual de este animal.
El diablo le concede todo eso… Don zabaleta vuelve corriendo a su estancia. 100000 dólares en la puerta, Claudia Schiffer desnuda en su cama… y cuando entra al baño y se baja los pantalones para ver su nuevo aparato sexual, grita: ¡¡¡ROSINDO, DESGRACIADO, ME DISTE LA YEGUA!!!
24
Jun
En una convención de la ciencia se encontraban un cientÃfico inglés, uno francés y uno español.
El inglés dice:
En mi paÃs después de mucho estudiar y analizar el tema de la clonación hemos creado un animal mezcla de vaca y de camello, que llamamos vacamello. Sus jorobas están rebosantes de leche, con las que alimentamos a toda Inglaterra.
Y dice el francés:
Eso no es nada en mi paÃs hemos creado una mezcla de cerdo y elefante que llamamos cerdifante, y con sus inmensos jamones alimentamos Francia y todo la meseta europea.
Y dice el español:
Eso no es nada, en España hemos creado una mezcla de luciérnaga y ladilla que no se como se llama, pero el coño de mi mujer parece Las Vegas.
24
Jun
Washing The Dog
A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
Oh, no laundry, the boy said, Im going to wash my dog!
But you shouldnt use this to wash your dog. Its very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, hell get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
Oh, he died, the boy said sadly.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog!
Well, the boy replied, I dont think it was the detergent that killed him.
Oh? What was it then?
I think it was the spin cycle!
24
Jun
Q: Whats the difference between a leech and the IRS?
A: The leech will leave you alone when you die!
24
Jun
Alan and his wife, Debbie, are working in the garden. Debbie bends over to rip up weeds.
Wow, Debbie, Alan says. Your butt is getting really wide.
No, its not! Debbie says.
Debbie walks towards the barbecue grill to throw the weeds in a trash can.
Your butt is getting so big that its almost wider than the grill! Alan says.
He gets a tape measure and measures Debbie and the grill.
Ha, Alan says. Your butts the same exact size as the grill!
Debbie ignores Alans comments and refuses to speak to him for three days. On the fourth night, theyre lying in bed watching television.
I could sure use some lovin, Alan says.
Debbie looks over at him and yells, Dont think for one minute that Im going to fire up this big grill for one little weenie!
24
Jun
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Minsk!
Minsk who?
Minsk meat!
24
Jun
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.